hana 🌱

20 • she/her • sg/chi • !? •

[hana 🌱 @bxtterbreadd]

//meals

[hana 🌱 @bxtterbreadd]

on another note i’m making biscoff banana pudding tomorrow and i’m excited yippee

[hana 🌱 @bxtterbreadd]

and sure i starved and became smaller and studied a whole lot to distract myself and i excelled but what did i lose in the process

[hana 🌱 @bxtterbreadd]

years of my life and all the could-have, would-have, should-have-beens stolen away, just a blur of empty days and empty stomachs just to feel smaller ?? it’s so miserable and yet i still want it

[hana 🌱 @bxtterbreadd]

it makes me really angry sometimes to think about how much this disorder has taken from me and how much it will continue to take

[hana 🌱 @bxtterbreadd]

the other day i went to my old school’s open house with a few friends and it brought back many memories of when i was intensely anorexic..

[hana 🌱 @bxtterbreadd]

and while listening to my friends it occurred to me how i could count the number of proper meals i had in the canteen on both hands and how different my jc life was from everyone else because i was isolating myself all the time

[hana 🌱 @bxtterbreadd]

matcha shio pan

[hana 🌱 @bxtterbreadd]

i am really excited to try the pecan pie though!! wonder what america and thanksgiving tastes like

[hana 🌱 @bxtterbreadd]

there is a whole chocolate cake in the fridge. there is a whole pecan pie in the fridge! a pecan pie!!

[hana 🌱 @bxtterbreadd]

there is a whole chocolate cake in the fridge. there is a whole pecan pie in the fridge! a pecan pie!!

[hana 🌱 @bxtterbreadd]

every time i disappear from twitter i’m doing worse (bulimia-wise)

[hana 🌱 @bxtterbreadd]

what if i stop trying to stop.. what if i just wait for the consequences to catch up to me what if i just stop trying

[hana 🌱 @bxtterbreadd]

are you kidding me i’m being tested today 😭 are you actually serious

[hana 🌱 @bxtterbreadd]

i’m either sad from restriction or tired from b/ping i just want to be normal!! i want to be normal so bad

[hana 🌱 @bxtterbreadd]

what a blessing it is to eat and be full

[hana 🌱 @bxtterbreadd]

i always think of how i hate the feeling of being full because it triggers the urges but truly i’m so grateful i’ve never had to go hungry against my will

[hana 🌱 @bxtterbreadd]

reset the counter except i will actually update it this time 😭

[hana 🌱 @bxtterbreadd]

yesterday

[Dolce @daily_dolce]

Made by wlmlbkk <3

[hana 🌱 @bxtterbreadd]

urges are so bad right now