Kelly

[Kelly @c4duceus]

not even sure anymore what we need to go back to but we need to go back

[Kelly @c4duceus]

The youths are throwing around the term media literacy every time someone disagrees with them about a tv show but they’re still illiterate 💔

[Kelly @c4duceus]

Accidentally watched two horror movies back to back while home alone for the weekend

[Kelly @c4duceus]

My brown dog has a black collar so I think if I get the black dog a brown collar it will be like the time SpongeBob and Patrick were fighting and then saw they were wearing each other’s color underwear and made up and then my two dogs will finally love each other

[Kelly @c4duceus]

Can’t believe you would call me self centered after I LITERALLY already told you my special interest is myself

[Kelly @c4duceus]

in the food lion parking I saw a small child run to hold her mom’s hand and a beautiful sunset and two men who were old friends from back in the day bump into each other and catch up over the cart return and life is beautiful

[Kelly @c4duceus]

sometimes I think about the time I went on a lunch date with a guy and when my food came he said “do you have any idea how many calories are in that??”

[Kelly @c4duceus]

conservatives starting meetings with land acknowledgments but they’re bragging about the conquests of their ancestors

[Kelly @c4duceus]

When you go to the bathroom at Home Depot they make you walk down the toilet aisle on the way so you have to pass by all the ones you’re not allowed to use before you get to the real ones

[Kelly @c4duceus]

had a dream that I met a super religious anti-cursing Christian who called the capital of the Netherlands “Amsterdarn”

[Kelly @c4duceus]

Doctors office keeps texting me to tell me how easy it is to pay my $1000+ bill <3

[Kelly @c4duceus]

just took my pillowcase off my pillow and there was a second pillowcase underneath it

[Kelly @c4duceus]

@ColdSlaw444 Why did you put her in the corner 😠

[Kelly @c4duceus]

My personal trainer told me my waist was snatched today and I’ll be riding on that feeling for the rest of the week

[Kelly @c4duceus]

we have a little wicker Easter basket in our house that currently contains a bottle of Advil, a sharpie, a roll of duct tape, nail clippers, and a bullet

[Kelly @c4duceus]

got a contrast MRI today so now I glow in the dark

[Kelly @c4duceus]

Had a dream I went to church where they had “deconstructed communion” and it was just crackers and a bowl of grapes

[Kelly @c4duceus]

“Do you know how fast you were going?!”
“I’m sorry, officer”
“No seriously, do you know? It seemed really fast but if the guys at the station find out I forgot to turn on my radar gun again I’ll never hear the end of it”

Follow me for more silly and wacky scenarios 🤪

[Kelly @c4duceus]

nothing hits quite as hard as talking in the tags of a post you’re reblogging on tumblr used to

[Kelly @c4duceus]

my dog is scared of my inhaler