Jessica Courtney

I traded my day job for daydreaming.

[Jessica Courtney @cactuspatchkid]

When your vehicle smells like warm tacos.... ❤️ 🌮 #tacotuesday #sweetride

[Jessica Courtney @cactuspatchkid]

I wanted to splurge on my diet cheat day, but @krispykreme didn’t even have the donut I wanted. 😭 #chocolatecakedonut #cheatday

[Jessica Courtney @cactuspatchkid]

I washed my car yesterday. Today I lost it in the parking lot at the grocery store, because I was looking for the dirt. 🤦🏼‍♀️ #cleancarprobs

[Jessica Courtney @cactuspatchkid]

My 3 year old is the Monica Gellar of toddlers. Earlier I haphazardly tossed her slippers by her bed. Moments later, she calls out that she needs to be tucked in again. I look down to see that her shoes are perfectly placed side by side. #tidytoddler #ocdtoddler #monicagellar

[Jessica Courtney @cactuspatchkid]

My 3 year old just told me that I was first a kid, then a mommy. She then told me first she was mommy, then she was a kid. What? 🤯

[Jessica Courtney @cactuspatchkid]

How to prevent a toddler from stealing your food:

Step 1. Tell the little thief that the food is spicy.

That’s it. Enjoy your food!

#momming #ToddlerLife

[Jessica Courtney @cactuspatchkid]

In hindsight, it may not have been the best idea to teach my cat how to play tag. Skilled in stealth attacks, he is a lofty opponent. My ankles are forever grateful for @PetSmart #kittycaps. 🐈 💕

[Jessica Courtney @cactuspatchkid]

That feeling when you spend too long smelling candles in @bathbodyworks... #worththeheadache

[Jessica Courtney @cactuspatchkid]

When your Apple Watch keeps telling you to breathe... but you’re so congested you can’t. #coldandfluseason

[Jessica Courtney @cactuspatchkid]

I skipped the gym today. Does 4 hours of purging my closet by trying on every article of clothing I own count as cardio? 🏃🏼‍♀️ 👚👖👢 #closetcardio #newyearnewwardrobe

[Jessica Courtney @cactuspatchkid]

I just caught my cat on the kitchen counter eating my gingerbread house. No wonder his breath smelled like cookies last night... 🐈 #catsforcookies

[Jessica Courtney @cactuspatchkid]

When all you ever eat are mini M&Ms, the regular size feel like giants. #mms

[Jessica Courtney @cactuspatchkid]

The lights keep going out at the gym... Apparently the gym ghost is warding off new year’s resolutions?? Guess I’ll just run in the dark. 🏃🏼‍♀️#newyearsresolution #justkiddingimaregular

[Jessica Courtney @cactuspatchkid]

All I’m saying is when a year starts out on a #TacoTuesday it’s probably going to be pretty good. 🌮 ❤️

[Jessica Courtney @cactuspatchkid]

Shopping for Christmas decór in 75° weather just doesn’t feel the same.... #texaschristmas

[Jessica Courtney @cactuspatchkid]

I’m one credit short of a minor in math, and I can barely decode the expiration “date” on a can of @drpepper. 🤦🏼‍♀️

[Jessica Courtney @cactuspatchkid]

I just took an eye exam on my phone. For free. I am living a brand new life. #1800contacts

[Jessica Courtney @cactuspatchkid]

Thank goodness I picked up @959theranch today at lunch. It was the only thing that could soothe the rage that ensued from my taco order being wrong on a Tuesday. 🌮 #favoritestation #tacotuesday

[Jessica Courtney @cactuspatchkid]

I never go to resident mixers at my apartment building, but I made a dozen new friends this morning when our parking garage gate broke and I hatched a plan to get everyone out. #residentmixer #apartmentlife #heronotazero

[Jessica Courtney @cactuspatchkid]

I wasn’t lying. This happened. #goals

[Jessica Courtney @cactuspatchkid]

Watching perhaps one of the world’s greatest pranks unfold. An older couple pull into a drive-in. They take a Skelton from the back seat, put it in the driver seat (buckled up of course,) and then get in the backseat. Now we wait.