KMP 🦊🐻🇪🇺

Glaswegian. Constantly ragin.

[Joey Nolfi @joeynolfi]

Joker: I’m going to k*ll m*self

Harley:

[KMP 🦊🐻🇪🇺 @caffeinemumbles]

'Those About to Die' is ✨️garbage✨️

30 minutes in, and so far, it's been wall to wall clunky exposition that feels like it was written by an AI generator with the prompt "Rome but without any personality and set in a CGI hellscape"

[KMP 🦊🐻🇪🇺 @caffeinemumbles]

@hosier gonna cause a baby boom in Glasgow with the performance of Too Sweet tonight.

[KMP 🦊🐻🇪🇺 @caffeinemumbles]

How much #VanderpumpRules can you binge while breastfeeding before you make your baby dumb? Asking for a friend 👀

[KMP 🦊🐻🇪🇺 @caffeinemumbles]

Songs I've had stuck in my head during labour so far making it hilariously hard to practice hypnobirthing:

Heaven - DJ Sammy
Big Spender - Shirley Bassey

[KMP 🦊🐻🇪🇺 @caffeinemumbles]

I've always been pro-choice and my (much wanted and strived for) pregnancy has affirmed that belief. My body has been through so much shit, its been really tough, and my pregnancy wasn't even THAT difficult - no one should be forced to do this unless it's 100% their choice.

[her @Thiohna]

You’ll be surprised at how many people change from prolife to prochoice when they become pregnant themselves :)

[horse powder @JuliusIrvington]

gonna tell on myself a little here:

it’s funny when people act like a bottle of wine is a lot to drink. it’s like four glasses of wine. what are you? a french child? grow up

[Frankie Boyle Updates @frankieboyle]

Just a friendly heads up that complaining about someone defacing a painting when you’ve been silent about a genocide makes you seem like a psychopath

[KMP 🦊🐻🇪🇺 @caffeinemumbles]

If anyone wants to know how pregnancy is going - last night I DREAMT about eating a pack of discos and woke up with heartburn.

[KMP 🦊🐻🇪🇺 @caffeinemumbles]

Can't believe @BBCOne first act of 2024 was to rickroll the nation.

[ely kreimendahl @ElyKreimendahl]

depressed people are like “ooh let’s play Christmas music” and put on River by Joni Mitchell

[KMP 🦊🐻🇪🇺 @caffeinemumbles]

@ForSardines She likes to be dapper

[KMP 🦊🐻🇪🇺 @caffeinemumbles]

Look at this peaceful croissant #CatsOfTwitter

[KMP 🦊🐻🇪🇺 @caffeinemumbles]

@ForSardines We need to try harder.

[KMP 🦊🐻🇪🇺 @caffeinemumbles]

@samantha__jl__ 😔😔😔these parents are going to do irreparable damage and they'll turn around and blame the teachers. They're awful.

[Susie Dent @susie_dent]

Word of the day is ‘mumpsimuses’ (16th century): those who insist they are right and apportion blame to others without looking at themselves.

[KMP 🦊🐻🇪🇺 @caffeinemumbles]

@ForSardines At least you get Basil the Great Mouse Detective! Tbh though I can't actually think of another 80s disney film?

[KMP 🦊🐻🇪🇺 @caffeinemumbles]

Next book off the top of my TBR pile will be number 5 on my good reads challenge. Unfortunately I fucked the cover when a can of mojito exploded in my bag, but so far I'm enjoying the pace and tone of the writing. @MirandaKaufmann #blacktudors

[KMP 🦊🐻🇪🇺 @caffeinemumbles]

@ScottishSun you've gotta stop letting your journalists do coke at at work. This story reads like someone told me it at 6am in the kitchen at a gaff.