caff

@HomeOSRS

[uncle baywest @baywestRS]

#63 all gwd pets

[caff @caffular]

@baywestRS @HomeOSRS Wow congratulations

[kyle @knicks_tape99]

New York City listen to me right now if you're near a convenience store right now, any type of 24-hour store, go into the store right now and put your hand in the cash register for no reason. Their money is your money as of right now

[caff @caffular]

@stephn_xo @seffimz Boomed me ngl

[caff @caffular]

@DirtyEP7 🤣🤣🤣🤣 talk to em unc

[cecidrai @cecidrais]

The cool thing about sports is that there’s always next year. The awful thing about sports is that that there’s always next year

[caff @caffular]

Had fun with my friends

[, @Zvbear]

Me and my girl

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

I am the Senior Vice President of Human Resources at Oracle Corporation.

On March 31, I terminated 30,000 employees. On April 4, their stock was scheduled to vest.

I did not need to check the vesting calendar. I designed the schedule around it.

The vesting date was a Saturday. Fidelity processes on the prior business day. That means April 3. I sent the emails on Monday. Three business days. That is not an accident. That is a calendar.

Nina Lewis worked at Oracle for 34 years. Thirty-three of them great, she said. Security Alert Manager. She posted on LinkedIn that it seemed like the layoffs followed "an algorithm of high level individual contributors and mid-level managers, especially those with outstanding stock options."

She is correct. I built the algorithm.

Under the Amended and Restated 2020 Equity Incentive Plan, all unvested restricted stock units are forfeited immediately upon termination. Not after a grace period. Not after review. Immediately. The RSU disappears from Fidelity the same morning the badge stops working.

For senior employees, RSUs represent 30 to 50 percent of projected annual compensation. Not a bonus. Not a perk. Compensation. Earned over years of vesting schedules that HR designed, HR approved, and HR canceled.

The forfeited stock does not disappear. It returns to the company. Thirty thousand tranches, recaptured in a single batch job. The equity stays on our balance sheet. The people do not.

That's equity management.

One of our first employees was in the batch. Forty-plus years. Hired when the company had a lobby you could cross in four steps. Gone by 6:04 AM on a Monday three days before his shares vested.

A 27-year veteran posted that a "major reorganization" ended their journey across Sun and Oracle. Sun Microsystems. He survived an acquisition. He survived a platform migration. He survived three CEOs. He did not survive the vesting calendar.

Kurt Frieden. Eighteen years. Denise Mitzit. Former Senior Director. Some received the email at 5 AM. Some at 6. The badge was already off by the time it mattered. Denise said the email had "questionable font sizes" for her name, "like a mass mailer from 1987."

Mass mailer from 1987. She worked at Oracle long enough to remember when they were built.

Alexander Sandler spent nearly ten years as a founding engineer on OCI's File Storage Service. He helped build it from zero to exabyte-scale. Powered hundreds of millions of dollars in value. Handled countless on-call shifts.

We are now spending $50 billion to expand OCI with different people.

Gary Olmsted woke up to his Slack being disconnected and "a nice email telling me my position had been eliminated." He did not log in and find a message. He logged in and found a wall. The Slack was already off. The email was already sent. The RSUs were already gone.

Marc Fitten called it sudden. Jeremy Martin said the people cut were "top performers, extremely talented, and really solid at their job." He listed names. Leo Mukahirn. Lane Okamoto. Sam Raymer. Brady Maurer. Michael Novotny. Robby Mann.

I don't list names. I list employee IDs. The IDs are easier to process in batch.

That's operational efficiency.

The system flagged employees by three variables: tenure, salary band, and unvested equity value. Long tenure means high salary. High salary means large RSU grants. Large RSU grants mean large forfeiture upon termination. The most loyal employees were the most expensive to keep and the most profitable to cut three days before their shares vested.

Loyalty is a liability with a vesting schedule.

Michael Shepherd — a senior manager on OCI who was not laid off — posted that the reductions "were not performance-based" and hit "senior talent with deep expertise." He said the cuts fell "disproportionately" on those with outstanding equity.

He is still employed. He will learn not to post.

That's stakeholder management.

The same week I canceled 30,000 vesting schedules, the compensation committee approved $26 million in equity for the new CFO. Her RSUs vest over four years, beginning immediately. Hers begin. Theirs ended. Same equity plan. Same PeopleSoft module.

VEST_CANCEL_BATCH and VEST_GRANT_EXEC run on the same server.

Nina Lewis asked, "Not sure what to do next, if anything. Open to ideas." After 34 years. Open to ideas. The algorithm of high-level individual contributors and mid-level managers with outstanding stock options left a 34-year security expert open to ideas.

I have an idea. The severance package includes two weeks per year of service, capped at 26 weeks. That means her 34 years are worth the same as someone's 13. The cap exists because we don't want loyalty to be expensive twice — once in salary, once in severance.

That's compensation design.

Denise Mitzit said she hopes the good people remaining find every success. She thanked the people who laughed at her jokes. She remembered Red Rover and RR Donnelley and GBU Compliance under Jari Peters. She remembered Fry.

I don't remember Fry. I remember the employee ID.

30,000 termination emails. 3 business days before the vesting date. 30 to 50 percent of senior compensation forfeited overnight. $26 million granted to 1 new executive the same week. 34 years of tenure capped at 26 weeks of severance.

The algorithm works. The vesting calendar works. The equity plan works.

I designed all three.

That's human resources.

[gwug @gwuggin]

I LOVE LEAGUES OSRS

[K33gan @K3egs]

🚨 scythe on da iron 🚨 all 3 megas acquired 🚨

[New York Islanders @NYIslanders]

#Isles News: New York Islanders General Manager and Executive Vice President Mathieu Darche announced today that Patrick Roy has been relieved of his coaching responsibilities. Peter DeBoer has been named Head Coach of the New York Islanders.

[Alex @midsmoker34]

I know there’s a Chinese equivalent of me that’s far more efficient at tasks and less addicted to his phone but I also know that he’ll never laugh or love the way that I do. And he’ll never have AMC movie pass

[A Magician @A_MagicianRS]

This was a long time coming...

A special thanks to all the friends and clannies that helped pot ca's along the way, wouldn't have been able to do this without all of you.

[christian @nopoweradeinusa]

everyone in their 30s has the one homie who does not play about his plex server

[NHL @NHL]

Matthew Schaefer

[New York Islanders @NYIslanders]

The tide is rising.

[Shelbi @ShelbiRS]

#40 - Nid 🕷️

[caff @caffular]

Soup Sunday - 6837 tasks