Caitlin O'Meara

[wolf pupy @wolfpupy]

the number one thing i am looking for in a coffin is luxuriance, the second is clam shell shape.

[wolf pupy @wolfpupy]

gathering up all the dirt and soil from the famous dracula's castle and throwing it into the ocean, now you have to rest on the bottom of the ocean you piece of the shit.

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

To get your porn name, read the name on your birth certificate while someone films you getting your butthole explored by a tongue.

[Caitlin O'Meara @caitibayn]

@myfunnygolden yeah its my boyfriends derby car I painted the hood for him lol.

[— @simonefiasco]

If my significant other didn't like my natural hair... that'd be a personal problem they'd have to work through... alone.

[CBD Marketplace @wellnessmeds]

I thought I was depressed. Turns out I was just sober.

[Wiz Khalifa @wizkhalifa]

Is vine only for twerking now?

[Caitlin O'Meara @caitibayn]

Paranormal witness is on YESSSSSS

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

Whenever my neighbor Karen goes to her mailbox without a bra on, I have to paint my shed with my yogurt laser.

[Caitlin O'Meara @caitibayn]

So adorable. Lol.

[Kim Jong Trill @Random_Pun]

people who only get white girl wasted are racist

[Kim Jong Trill @Random_Pun]

this mosquito who just sucked some of my blood is about to be tripping balls

[Barack Obama @BarackObama]

Retweet if you believe everyone should be able to marry the person they love. #LoveIsLove

[Not Common Facts ™ @NotCommonFacts]

70% of women ask questions in which they already know the answer to. This is why it's best to tell her the truth.

[UberFacts @UberFacts]

Falling in love produces the same type of high as doing cocaine.