Caitlyn

probably bored, definitely want pizza

[Caitlyn @caitmegadeth]

@ashh_evanss

[Caitlyn @caitmegadeth]

“There are sober kids in Africa who would want that”

[Caitlyn @caitmegadeth]

“A horse is a horse, divorce, of course!”

[Caitlyn @caitmegadeth]

@ashh_evanss More than 18 days

[Caitlyn @caitmegadeth]

@ashh_evanss and I need to talk to whoever is planning our targeted ads

[Caitlyn @caitmegadeth]

The number of people who think child abuse is okay because “I got my ass beat and I turned out okay”…hey, buddy, if you’re cool with hitting kids, you, in fact, did not turn out okay. Go to therapy.

[Caitlyn @caitmegadeth]

PSA to some nurses out there: if someone says “I don’t want to know my weight, please don’t tell me” ummm…don’t tell them? This has been an eating disorder PSA.

[Caitlyn @caitmegadeth]

Carly just asked If I wanted the lights off and I said “follow your dreams baby girl” and she locked me in a dark room for bed time

[Caitlyn @caitmegadeth]

I’m judging men on Bumble out loud while slowly getting tipsy off white claws and @ashh_evanss is totally just pretending I’m not the worst

[Caitlyn @caitmegadeth]

Don’t applaud a fish for swimming

[Caitlyn @caitmegadeth]

Me 10 minutes ago: “crazy I actually hate myself”
Me 3 minutes ago: “wow im so extra I love me”

[Caitlyn @caitmegadeth]

Me: “Rory, we’re not gonna let the duck get you. Who would win in a fight, me or a duck?”
Rory, without hesitation: “the duck”

[Caitlyn @caitmegadeth]

Rory: “when’s it going to be kid’s day so you can give ME a present?” Girl

[Caitlyn @caitmegadeth]

New pet peeve unlocked.

[Caitlyn @caitmegadeth]

If I get one more person saying “decaf coffee still has some caffeine in it, you know” I’m gonna lose my actual shit

[Caitlyn @caitmegadeth]

Idk if this is still considered a hot take but going to work when you’re sick is super fucking selfish and I’m tired of it being normal

[Caitlyn @caitmegadeth]

Dan: “I am trying to think of a way to say ‘no’ that is ‘no’-er than ‘no’”

[Caitlyn @caitmegadeth]

don’t tell me I’m pretty, tell me I could ruin lives

[Caitlyn @caitmegadeth]

I stalked them for so long, I’m now weirdly attached to the women my ex husband cheated on me with. I hope you’re doing well queens, I see your growth 😇😂

[Caitlyn @caitmegadeth]

No longer accepting people in my life who say being sensitive is a negative thing 🤷🏼‍♀️