Caitlin Garner, Esq.

i've worn white after labor day and i'd do it again.

[Caitlin Garner, Esq. @caitsgarns]

Me: *eating pizza and drinking beer* I can’t wait to get really skinny again.

[Caitlin Garner, Esq. @caitsgarns]

@michaelchiavone Bc it’s not a new term? I assumed it wasn’t but I also leave my house like once a week now so I can’t be expected to keep up with the times.

[Caitlin Garner, Esq. @caitsgarns]

Today I heard someone refer to a mental breakdown as a “minty B” and my stress levels just got SO much cuter.

[Caitlin Garner, Esq. @caitsgarns]

No one told me becoming a mom would make me cry at EVERYTHING. Like why am I crying watching the end of Elf, a movie I have seen approximately 700 times? Hormones? Sleep deprivation? All of the above?

[Caitlin Garner, Esq. @caitsgarns]

Tonight I went to see #waitressthemusical knowing very little about it and it was the longest I have been away from my seven week old baby so far. Needless to say there was ugly crying during Everything Changes.

[Caitlin Garner, Esq. @caitsgarns]

Why do so many people in the airport insist on smelling terribly? 🤢

[Caitlin Garner, Esq. @caitsgarns]

For the last month, I keep having an unidentifiable craving to eat or drink something, and it’s fully driving me insane. I don’t know what I want, only that I’m not getting it. A constant itch I just can’t scratch UGHHHHHH #pregnancy #thirdtrimester

[Caitlin Garner, Esq. @caitsgarns]

And just like that, I was in my third trimester.

[Caitlin Garner, Esq. @caitsgarns]

Another pregnancy tweet: if the observation you want to voice about my body is anything other than “you look amazing,” I don’t need to hear it. /Please ask yourself how you expect me to respond before you say it??? Because with some of this, you couldn’t have possibly.

[Caitlin Garner, Esq. @caitsgarns]

@michaelchiavone Tbh prob says it to everyone no matter how they identify to avoid getting in a habit and slipping up one day, like when you would accidentally call your teacher mom at school.

[Caitlin Garner, Esq. @caitsgarns]

Is pregnancy finally going to make me download the wayfair app? It’s looking very yes.

[Caitlin Garner, Esq. @caitsgarns]

I don’t feel the baby move much, but I think I just felt her for the first time in the last few days while the #SweeneyTodd revival performance was on. So yeah, she’s mine lol. #TonyAwards #22weeks

[Caitlin Garner, Esq. @caitsgarns]

Season 3 Carrie Bradshaw is the worst Carrie Bradshaw.

[Caitlin Garner, Esq. @caitsgarns]

It’s 2023 and I’m asking myself, should I finally care about Mad Men?

[Caitlin Garner, Esq. @caitsgarns]

Drink whenever Micah says “like.” #LoveisBlind4

[Caitlin Garner, Esq. @caitsgarns]

Someone please tell these men that if you’re not a musician, do not sing a song. #LoveisBlind4

[Caitlin Garner, Esq. @caitsgarns]

If I hear Chelsea say “mmm” one more time I’m going to scream. #LoveisBlind4

[Caitlin Garner, Esq. @caitsgarns]

@michaelchiavone I do like that song

[Caitlin Garner, Esq. @caitsgarns]

@michaelchiavone Sorry you know when the time comes I’m gonna

[Caitlin Garner, Esq. @caitsgarns]

@michaelchiavone And the person behind the desk willing to play along ruined it anyway by popping up so fast