Pb & Julia

just a sexy scientist

[Jamie Henn @jamieclimate]

I’d rather ExxonMobil build up tolerance to lower profits.

[regular sized ackman @pleas4nt]

Her finger is tentatively tracing scars across my chest. "How did you get this one?"

'14. I was frying perogies in oil without a shirt on

"And this one?"

'09, stir-fry.

Her finger moves to an angry red patch just under my sternum.

Funny story, I say. Microwaved hot pocket.

[Mike Beauvais @MikeBeauvais]

“The studios want to capitalize on Barbie’s success, Lemon. Lily Collins will star as Polly Pocket in a Lena Dunham movie. Taika Waititi is making a Furby film with Ansel Elgort. We’ve got Werner Herzog directing a Street Sharks movie. Nobody even knows what that is, Lemon.”

[The Onion @TheOnion]

https://t.co/4FO4DWHlVj

[megan @chismosavirus]

sometimes a sandwich with pesto in it is enough to stop the voices

[ryan @OhItsRyan]

She kinda looks like she’s about to unionize a Starbucks

[gaychel @coochieflop]

taking too long in the bar bathroom not bc I'm doing drugs but bc I'm reading all the writing on the walls and reflecting on how it represents the beauty and complexity of humanity

[Sam Stryker @sbstryker]

If you’re in line to see Barbie STAY IN LINE!!!

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Man Grateful To Live In Society Where Mattress Disappears If Left On Sidewalk For A Couple Days https://t.co/xEz2CVGy2Z

[zoë ✨🌙 @zoenone0none]

wow that's incredible. let's redistribute some of that babyyyy. let's tax taylor swift back to millionaire status and use her money to expand the public transit system so getting home from her concerts is less of a shitshow

[michaela okland @MichaelaOkla]

Electric shock therapy couldn’t make gay ppl straight but they rly think having a rainbow poster that says “be you” at an elementary school is going to turn children gay