Evan Sink

To all a good fright

[Evan Sink @caligaricursed]

Gas lighting? More like cat lighting

[Evan Sink @caligaricursed]

For some reason she wasn't interested

[Evan Sink @caligaricursed]

Shout out to the guy waiting in line with me to vote who said climate change is fake, and the reason the weather is getting crazier is because of "biblical prophecy" coming to pass. He voted - have you?

[Evan Sink @caligaricursed]

Also, he immediately followed up his speech by trying to pick up a lady postal worker also waiting in line

[Evan Sink @caligaricursed]

"Uh, actually, downloading someone's work isn't stealing because I wasn't going to buy it anyway."
Wait, what kind of pirates are we talking like?

[Evan Sink @caligaricursed]

They say that crows have the equivalent intellect of a seven year old child. If that's the case, can we please teach them how to play little league sports?

[Evan Sink @caligaricursed]

Do you think when Sartre said, "Hell is other people," he was just having a bad day?

[Evan Sink @caligaricursed]

From my beginners' German book-either memes have melted my brain, or this is the wildest, most unnecessary reference I've ever seen

[Evan Sink @caligaricursed]

Does USPS drive through everyone else's yards too, or does my mailman just hate me? Doesn't seem like it should be that hard to navigate a driveway if you drive for a living, y'know?

[Evan Sink @caligaricursed]

Finally watched the finale of Seinfeld. I feel like they missed an opportunity to have the judge sentence them to be that guy's butler

[Evan Sink @caligaricursed]

Euripides to his tailor: "Eumenides?"
Tailor: "Deez nuts"

[Evan Sink @caligaricursed]

Why was I just carded for buying non-alcoholic beer?

[Evan Sink @caligaricursed]

Be the time change you want to see in the world

[Evan Sink @caligaricursed]

What if other holidays only came around every few years like Leap Day? I imagine people would be more excited for like, Arbor Day, if we treated it like Halley's Comet

[Evan Sink @caligaricursed]

When are they going to invent floss that isn't blood flavored?

[Evan Sink @caligaricursed]

Remembering now that the plot of Supernatural is: God terrorizes mankind with werewolves and vampires because it's entertaining

[Evan Sink @caligaricursed]

All I want for Christmas is to eat Cheetos with David Lynch

[Evan Sink @caligaricursed]

Signed up for the rewards program at the Screwdriver gas station. They said I get a discount on my first five Phillips

[Evan Sink @caligaricursed]

Imagine having your man stolen by someone named Joe Lean

[Evan Sink @caligaricursed]

I always tell visiting technicians/repairmen/etc. "Ah yes, we've been expecting you." I don't care if it creeps them out, it makes me feel powerful