cal

“I am very small. And I have no money.” - J.M.

[cal @caliwat]

"Hey can I use your phone?"

Me: "Yeah one sec..."

[cal @caliwat]

So apparently Big Brother is always watching us and algorithms monitor our preferences but like IDK ABOUT THAT because Instagram is still showing me recipe reels with FRICKIN CORN

[cal @caliwat]

I can only hope my future family will be as cheerful and supportive of each others’ bowel movements as the blue bear family in those Charmin commercials

[cal @caliwat]

Mouse in my apartment is breaking stereotypes in that it is not quiet!

Will think twice before saying things like “slow as a turtle” or “quick like a bunny”

We cannot assume!

[cal @caliwat]

Also my doctor told me the #1 cause of hand lacerations in California is cutting avocados and in New York, cutting bagels.

I know this because I went to the ER with a hand laceration from making an avocado bagel…

[cal @caliwat]

Tornado warning in NYC?

Am I dumb for not knowing the east coast has tornadoes?

If so, I blame NYU

[𝐃𝐄𝐕𝐎𝐍™ @Devon_OnEarth]

Boys will read the iliad but are afraid to say ily to the lads

[cal @caliwat]

@ajl97_leonard 15% OR MORE you simpleton

[cal @caliwat]

I have never retweeted this once but now that I’ve started grad school… it’s a must

[cal @caliwat]

Just found a box of thin mints in the back of my freezer life could not be better

[Jared Carrabis @Jared_Carrabis]

You just got sat the fuck down by Hirokazu Sawamura.

[cal @caliwat]

Covid is over because BTS said so.

[James @CaucasianJames]

better than camp rock? alright man

[cal @caliwat]

“Mandy Patinkin could wine and dine me any day.”

[twilight renaissance | fanpage @twilightreborn]

twilight characters as cats - a thread:

[cal @caliwat]

The overarching theme of Disney original movies and shows:

SUMMER IS IN JEOPARDY

[Jared Carrabis @Jared_Carrabis]

FIRST DING DONG OF THE SEASON FOR BIG BOB!! ONE OF 46!! TIES THE GAME!!

[cal @caliwat]

I made this for a final project —

Paying for an NYU education makes the most sense.

[cal @caliwat]

A must read.

(And yes, my little sister’s contact name is “little shit” in French. I stand by this.)

[cal @caliwat]

If @ConEdison could make sure the next costumer service rep I speak to makes me feel like talking to me is not just the burden of their day but their entire existence, that would be great!

Just trying to keep things fresh!

[cal @caliwat]

February wouldn’t have felt complete without @ConEdison making me cry!

I will now permit the month of March to commence!