being alone after spending most of this year with my husband is hard i wish he didn’t have to go i’d do anything to see him now instead of waiting months it hurts knowing how mean and nasty i was before he left i wish i could go back in time to do it over
these days i feel so unless it’s suffocating i can’t do anything right or anything at all my mind naturally floats back to self harm or suicide but i know i can’t so i just have to let it sit with me and ruin everything or just drink until i forget about it
i hate that i can’t connect with people even as associates or friends i always just have to hate everyone i wish i wasn’t so used to being alone than maybe things would be easier