Cal

[Nick Tuckner @tucksports]

#mnwild

[Liam Nissan™ @theliamnissan]

We need a Gen X president. No more boomers, you fucked everything up

[Paul Lambert @MeatSauce1]

Eat shit Dallas

[Your Uncle Rog @RogerMpls]

These @DallasStars uniforms are hideous. The club hasn't had a good-looking uniform since Norm Green bought the North Stars. #normgreensucks

[Chicken Fingers 69 @ChikenFingerz69]

The Stars murdered our real father and wear his clothes and pretend they are him. They flop and dive and bitch and moan and their best players are soft as baby shit. I do not like them and hope they not only lose the next 4 games but every game for the rest of time.

[Karl K. Wuckert @KarlWuckert]

Remove absolutely every single politician who supports Israel.

America Only.

[Americans For Tax Fairness @4TaxFairness]

BREAKING: America's 935 billionaires have announced they'll give away a percentage of their collective wealth to end homelessness and hunger, and make healthcare free for all.

April Fool's—they're never gonna do that.

We could do that if we taxed them, though.

Just a thought.

[hazel☀️ 🔜 vibecamp @sodiumPen]

europeans will ride a train going 200 mph through the alps while drinking wine and americans will sit in traffic on I-95 for three hours eating a gas station sandwich and say "at least i have my freedom" brother you are imprisoned by a honda accord

[😱 Scary Larry 😱 🇺🇦✊🏻🇺🇸🗽 @aintscarylarry]

Markwayne Mullin to run DHS. 🙄 Give me a goddamn break. Might as well get the kid from Deliverance. He’s smarter, less inbred, and at least he can play the fucking banjo.

[TuskedUp 🦣🏒 @TuskedUp]

Stop pushing laws based off your religious beliefs. Sunday is the easiest day of the year for me and my kids with this stuff.

If you don’t want your kids to play Sunday… don’t play Sunday? We shouldn’t have to accommodate you.

[Kenny Kim @KendoVT]

Winter Olympians:

-I’ve ruptured my ACL but I’m still going to ski 80mph down a hill of ice

-I’ve broken my arm but I’m still going to jump 30 ft into the air on my snowboard while twisting and flipping at the same time

NBA Players:

-I played yesterday. Gonna take today off

[Pete Blackburn @PeteBlackburn]

It's crazy that they wear any other jerseys

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Mike Johnson: ‘My Christian Faith Is More About Not Jacking Off Than Feeding The Poor’

[Rep. Eric Swalwell @RepSwalwell]

No money for SNAP huh? What if we clawed back the $230 million we are paying Trump? The $300 million for Trump’s ballroom. The $40 billion going to Argentina. And hell, let’s get back the bribe money that Tom Homan has. Now you’re talking real money!

[keaton🫍 @KeatonPotat0es]

just a reminder

[Captain Obvious™️ @TheFungi669]

Jasmine Crockett: “The only thing progressive about Donald Trump is his dementia.”

[Anonymous @YourAnonCentral]

Spot the pedo

[Liam Nissan™ @theliamnissan]

Donald Trump was best friends with Jeffrey Epstein and he's hiding the files from us

[Not Your Average Liberal @NotAvgLiberal]

This is what a Fascist Piece Of Shit looks like.

Thank you for your attention on this matter.

[Governor Newsom Press Office (parody) @AwesomeNewsom]

DONNY IS THE ONLY POTUS TO ALLOW A FOREIGN NATION TO HAVE AN AIRBASE INSIDE OUR BORDERS. BECAUSE THEY SLIPPED HIM A PLANE UNDER THE TABLE. BUT LUCKILY, YOUR DOLLA CAN ALSO MAKE HIM HOLLA! FOR $100 YOU GET HIS ORIGINAL EAR TAMPON. $1000 BUYS YOU HIS ENTIRE CABINET. $1 MILLION BUYS YOU OUR NUKES. AND FOR $1 BILLION, DONALD WILL NUKE AMERICA HIMSELF. BUT IF YOU ORDER RIGHT NOW, HE’LL THOW IN AN ALL-INCLUSIVE STAY ON EPSTEIN’S ISLAND. AND AS ALWAYS, NO TAX ON TREASON!