Candi Brandywine

Probably being offensive or whatever.

[Candi Brandywine @CandiBrandywine]

Why do I crave pasta salad at the most inconvenient and strange times?

[Candi Brandywine @CandiBrandywine]

Why does modern dating consist of bragging about placing one’s mouth on another’s asshole? I just.

[Wombstretcha The Magnificent @wombstretcha503]

I know a couple with a fat baby.
I'm giving them one of those slow-feed bowls for Xmas.

[Candi Brandywine @CandiBrandywine]

And that’s why you’re not allowed a vote. 😌

[Harry Styles. @Harry_Styles]

If I could vote in America, I’d vote with kindness.

[Candi Brandywine @CandiBrandywine]

Gates of hell huh? Sign me up!

[Statesman Journal @Salem_Statesman]

COVID-19 'super spreader'? Concert, religious gatherings at Riverfront Park draw concern https://t.co/Qo7WYLRhED

[Candi Brandywine @CandiBrandywine]

Rosé all day hayé 🌹 https://t.co/no7AlNFbcN

[Candi Brandywine @CandiBrandywine]

@Scottysbistro Enlighten us, asshat.

[Candi Brandywine @CandiBrandywine]

Serious inquiry: CAN SALSA BE A CHUTNEY? CAN CHUTNEY BE SALSA? 🤔😳🤯
🌶🥑🧄🍅🧅🥭

[Candi Brandywine @CandiBrandywine]

😬👉🏻👈🏻

[Candi Brandywine @CandiBrandywine]

When did the term #BallsOut go out of style and can we bring it back? (... )

[Candi Brandywine @CandiBrandywine]

#Normalize utilizing your @DoorDash @UberEats @Postmates notes/special requests section to tell them the door’s unlocked and I’m in bed. Please bring it to me. I also require to be tucked in. Oh! And please lock the door on the way out. 😬🙂

[Candi Brandywine @CandiBrandywine]

Remember that your present situation can be overcome.

[Candi Brandywine @CandiBrandywine]

Don’t go on Instagram today 🙄🙄🙄

[Candi Brandywine @CandiBrandywine]

Recently encountered an Instagram page that commented on a shitpost; “I post naked dolphins. Follow me. I dare you.”
That’s enough internet for today and it’s only 5AM. 🐬🤭

[Candi Brandywine @CandiBrandywine]

Here’s a first: guy on dating app lists requirements for females to match with him... includes “nice calves” 💀

[Candi Brandywine @CandiBrandywine]

@El_Dodgero @RainmanMcmillin I’m not even gonna ask...

[Candi Brandywine @CandiBrandywine]

Take care of your butthole, you only get one!!!

[Candi Brandywine @CandiBrandywine]

My favorite real life #Bomboclaat is when a guy on #Tinder claims to be “always at the gym”, yet his photos do not look like he’s “always at the gym”. 🙂 Laughter does the body good. Can I get a #Heard!

[Candi Brandywine @CandiBrandywine]

If she agree to hang, she wanna bang 😏

[Candi Brandywine @CandiBrandywine]

You know what to do 🤩 https://t.co/NAaZMuUPep

[Candi Brandywine @CandiBrandywine]

How long for 🍄s to kick in. Totes asking for a friend.