Capital Fluffer

Not a lawyer but most of my twitter peeps are #LawMeHarder, Happy Hour Enthusiast, Sports Junkie, All Around Charmer sharing my DC dating mishaps almost daily

[Capital Fluffer @CapitalFluffer]

@ragonnaregretit

[Capital Fluffer @CapitalFluffer]

@ragonnaregretit FYI it's always okay to start without her 😏

[Capital Fluffer @CapitalFluffer]

@DCDouchbag @amyschumer I never give myself too much credit. 😚

[Capital Fluffer @CapitalFluffer]

@DCDouchbag @amyschumer she's definitely on my girl crush list. Not sure if you could handle both of us.

[Capital Fluffer @CapitalFluffer]

@DCDouchbag only if it's @amyschumer 😏. I'm thinking about turning into a female version of you...Gym time and banging whatever comes along.

[Capital Fluffer @CapitalFluffer]

@DCDouchbag it's easily been 3 weeks of nothing. Contemplating celibacy or going the opposite route. #TrainWreck

[Capital Fluffer @CapitalFluffer]

@DCDouchbag like the fancy ice cream? I'm so down. I'd eat it off your bare chest...

[Capital Fluffer @CapitalFluffer]

@DCDouchbag what is that? I want one...

[Capital Fluffer @CapitalFluffer]

@moxxjason ummmm.... Okay? Tomorrow is Friday...

[Capital Fluffer @CapitalFluffer]

"Worked" from my couch today and binged on Penny Dreadful. How did I miss this show for 2 seasons?!

[Capital Fluffer @CapitalFluffer]

@DCDouchbag that was the exact article I kept thinking about

[Capital Fluffer @CapitalFluffer]

Just saw the #newtrain @wmata has! Soooooo shiny!!!! Hoping that's what pulls up to take me home.

[Capital Fluffer @CapitalFluffer]

@DCDouchbag why do you think you got a late night text? #HeartBrokenFluff

[Capital Fluffer @CapitalFluffer]

@DCDouchbag oh you! You're such a sweet talker. How can I resist?!

[Capital Fluffer @CapitalFluffer]

@DCDouchbag but that D 😖😖

[Capital Fluffer @CapitalFluffer]

@DCDouchbag Don't forget I waste your tax dollars too. He just happens to be making a 1/3 of my salary tax free in 90 days 😤

[Capital Fluffer @CapitalFluffer]

@DCDouchbag but alas, DOD sent him far away for lots of money.

[Capital Fluffer @CapitalFluffer]

@DCDouchbag A+++++

[Capital Fluffer @CapitalFluffer]

@DCDouchbag yea yea, but he's a unicorn, not unlike yourself...

[Capital Fluffer @CapitalFluffer]

New guy hopped on a plane to some foreign country for 90 days... Does that mean I get to do whatever/anyone I want? #IsSkypeSexAThing?