Matt Capp

When I grow up I want to be the sun ::: My pronouns are He/Him/His Royal Flyness

[Matt Capp @cappcommamatt]

Why does the World Cup trophy look like… that

[Matt Capp @cappcommamatt]

MY LIBRARY CARD EXPIRED, WE ARE AT CODE RED PEOPLE, WE ARE AT WHICHEVER DEFCON LEVEL IS THE WORST ONE

[Matt Capp @cappcommamatt]

They should give the Knicks two trophies because they had to beat the San Antonios and also beat the Referees

[Matt Capp @cappcommamatt]

Can we make them play Game 6 and 7 anyway?? I want to see the Knicks win again

[Matt Capp @cappcommamatt]

FUCK THE DOLANS, LETS GO KNICKS

[Matt Capp @cappcommamatt]

I am new to basketball. Are the referees trying to make the Knicks lose on purpose? Are they allowed to do that

[Matt Capp @cappcommamatt]

That one tall freakish man, Wimbles or whatever, I don’t like him. He is Sinister

[Matt Capp @cappcommamatt]

Two Strangers Carry A Cake Across New York was ROBBED. The Tony Awards voters are WRONG. SHAME. SHAME. SHAME.

[Matt Capp @cappcommamatt]

In January of the year 2000, there was an Animorphs book in which the Animorphs stole an airplane and crashed it into a skyscraper

[Matt Capp @cappcommamatt]

Hey @NYCMayor can you please fix the Jets next

[Matt Capp @cappcommamatt]

The current Jeopardy champion looks like a ventriloquist dummy that was granted a wish to become a real boy and it’s kinda working for him

[Matt Capp @cappcommamatt]

Overheard tonight in a Park Slope dive bar:

“Yeah, I love risotto. I’m a real zote-head. A zote-fiend.”
“Do you make a lot of risotto?”
“No, never, I don’t have the patience for that shit.”

[Matt Capp @cappcommamatt]

I think every person who makes the "solar power doesn't work when it's not sunny!!!" argument is picturing, like, a solar-powered calculator from the 80s

[Matt Capp @cappcommamatt]

The GOVERNMENT took the lead out of your paint. They think they know what's best for you. Give us back our lead paint. Teach the controversy. Eat the paint chips

[Matt Capp @cappcommamatt]

Overheard in a Park Slope dive bar: two people looking at someone’s Instagram profile: “Oh, it looks like she’s mutual friends with a person I met at that orgy…”

Brooklyn is the greatest country on earth

[Matt Capp @cappcommamatt]

I don’t support war with Iran at all. But I do hope gasoline hits $6/gallon soon.

[Matt Capp @cappcommamatt]

Can anyone name a fourth Village People song

[Matt Capp @cappcommamatt]

There’s a single block in Bay Ridge that has a Gap outlet, Sephora, Bath & Body Works, Victoria’s Secret, Pandora, Children’s Place, Vitamin Shoppe, and Foot Locker, plus a standalone Panda Express and an Auntie Anne’s/Cinnabon. It’s an open-air 90s shopping mall.

[Matt Capp @cappcommamatt]

"Blizzard warning" "Stay at home" What, am I supposed to be 'scared'? SCARED of the SNOW? Is Frosty the Snowman gonna beat me with a candy cane? Grow up.

[Matt Capp @cappcommamatt]

Imagine getting all your teeth smashed out of your head just to win a gold medal for a country that doesn't give people health care