Chance Morgan

No matter how many times I beat Ocarina of Time, it still won't fix my parent's marriage

[Chance Morgan @captain7243]

I don't even Google anymore if I want updates on a knicks game. I just check out Ben Stiller's tweets

[Chance Morgan @captain7243]

McDonald's was founded by Mac and Dick McDonald. So just one timeline over from us, we wouldn't be eating a Big Mac. We'd be eating a Big Dick

[Chance Morgan @captain7243]

@jacksfilms You got it, Mr. Films. I only accept Wizard101 crowns for my work

[Chance Morgan @captain7243]

The spicy food burned your ass because you approached it with an impure heart and heavy karmic debt

[Chance Morgan @captain7243]

If I had a nickel for every time Jeffrey Dean Morgan's character beat the shit out of Steven Yeun's character in a TV show adapted from a comic series written by Robert Kirkman, I'd have 2 nickels

[Chance Morgan @captain7243]

I don't understand people who bash on IPAs when Coors light literally exists. If I ask for a beer and you hand me a Coors, I'm beating you with a hammer

[Chance Morgan @captain7243]

Hey boss, I'm gonna need a couple weeks off. It's fish doorbell season

[Chance Morgan @captain7243]

STOP PAYING FOR A 5 DOLLAR ITEM WITH A 100 DOLLAR BILL! If you do this I hate you and you only think of your own convenience. Go to a bank to break up bills

[jamie @gnuman1979]

Punching Nazis, still mandatory.

[Chance Morgan @captain7243]

I hope app developers will someday realize if they have this instead of an X to close out their ads, I will never download it out of pure spite

[Chance Morgan @captain7243]

I don't wanna hear shit about "I can't understand the lyrics" when Eddie Vedder and Sting literally exist

[Chance Morgan @captain7243]

You lost against the blackjack dealer because you approached him with an impure heart and heavy karmic debt

[Chance Morgan @captain7243]

@MonsterEnergy @BANGenergy
Answer for your crimes or remain a coward

[sid 🌹🔆🇨🇦 @lilbabygandhi]

Right to bear arms but if you do then 6 retarded high school dropouts will shoot you dead

[Chance Morgan @captain7243]

@promptprincess This is insulting to toddlers. They'll actually try and draw something

[Chance Morgan @captain7243]

"We are Charlie Ki-"
Shut the fuck up
We are Marley and Marley

[Chance Morgan @captain7243]

Going onto r/bald and showing off my full head of hair

[Culture Crave 🍿 @CultureCrave]

Vine reboot called diVine has been launched 📱

• Funded by Jack Dorsey
• Includes over 100K videos from Vine's archive
• Users can upload 6-second videos
• AI-generated content is not allowed

[Chance Morgan @captain7243]

Asking everyone I meet "omg, are you tony hawk?" so the day I finally do see him, I'm not one of those people