Captain Kirk

ashlyn 😼 tweeting into the void since 2010.
thoughts & feelings are my own. 💭

[Captain Kirk @captainashkirk]

In 2024...there's a Hurricane Kirk...you already know my jokes are going to be CATEGORY 5.

[Captain Kirk @captainashkirk]

Wow logged on to Twitter, yes TWITTER, to see that nothing but porn ladies have been following for the past few months. Ah yes, elon, this place alive and well.

[Captain Kirk @captainashkirk]

He's my birthday twin. Okay but actually my birthday is the 30th. But it's kind of the same. 😬

[The Killers @thekillers]

Happy birthday to Iowa’s finest! Our apologies to Caitlin Clark.

[The Killers @thekillers]

Happy birthday to Iowa’s finest! Our apologies to Caitlin Clark.

[Captain Kirk @captainashkirk]

Cool but can you do more incompetent @Nelnet and relieve their borrowers. That'd be great.

[Joe Biden @JoeBiden]

I promised to ease student debt for millions of folks. The Supreme Court blocked me, but it didn’t stop me.

I found another way to help more than 3.7 million people—teachers, nurses, police officers, firefighters—with over $130 billion in relief.

[Captain Kirk @captainashkirk]

In 2024...there's a Hurricane Kirk...you already know my jokes are going to be CATEGORY 5.

[Captain Kirk @captainashkirk]

Hey @FedExHelp is it normal for a driver to not leave a note but the notifications say "tried to deliver"? #fedex @FedEx

[Captain Kirk @captainashkirk]

@Wendys I just want a regular, simple chocolate frosty. But in the summer you had strawberry. In fall you had Pumpkin Spice. And now you have peppermint. And all my janky #Wendys never serve them both at the same time. PLEASE STOP AND JUST GIVE ME THE CHOCOLATE. 😭 I beg you.

[Captain Kirk @captainashkirk]

@Nelnet I've been waiting on hold for almost two hours. Is this wait time normal?!?

[Captain Kirk @captainashkirk]

Rip Twitter lol

[The Killers @thekillers]

There is nothing quite like looking out at a happy Glastonbury crowd, and being able to do that alongside @eltonofficial… Come on.

[Captain Kirk @captainashkirk]

@RealDMitchell My hero. ❤️

[Captain Kirk @captainashkirk]

Oh my gawd... 😭 Time flies.

[The Killers @thekillers]

This is 42.

[Captain Kirk @captainashkirk]

@lurabardley Heyy! Thanks for the Succession spoiler while I was reading your article about The Great! WTF! Why would you include that? It wasn't even THAT relevant OR necessary to include.
https://t.co/ql5jWL3MiW

[Hello Kitty @hellokitty]

Let kindness grow 🌻 #mondaymotivation

[Captain Kirk @captainashkirk]

Dr: so why do you want a sleep study?
Me: well, my partner wants me to have one. He says I make a sound like "mmmrrmmmrrrr".

[The Hollywood Reporter @THR]

Dolly Parton to Release First Rock Album, Includes Collaborations with McCartney, Miley Cyrus, Elton John https://t.co/FYlENbP3Do

[Captain Kirk @captainashkirk]

LinkedIn is so weird, lol.

[Captain Kirk @captainashkirk]

@cindy_louwho I totally agree. And yet for some reason, I thought this said. "Denim denies denim." And I was so confused.

[Captain Kirk @captainashkirk]

Sad.

[Captain Kirk @captainashkirk]

I can't believe I'm not seeing this band tomorrow. 😭 #thekillers

[Captain Kirk @captainashkirk]

Just gonna spam with memories instead.