Captain Blondbeard

I am a space! pirate! kitty! HOORAY HOORAY

[Captain Blondbeard @CaptainBBeard]

Do not make too much of this picture. A temporary cease-fire is not peace.

[Captain Blondbeard @CaptainBBeard]

The dog won't stop barking. The bird won't stop screaming.

How did this become my life?

[Captain Blondbeard @CaptainBBeard]

@ksuzeq_karen @StevenBrust Yeah, like I'd tell him.

[Captain Blondbeard @CaptainBBeard]

People are weird. They'll come in and spend time with That Thing when there is a perfectly pettable cat not five feet away. That is taking laziness to a whole new level.

[Captain Blondbeard @CaptainBBeard]

@gatitacelestial That could never happen.

[Captain Blondbeard @CaptainBBeard]

@StevenBrust @bronzebarbarian Lies.

[Captain Blondbeard @CaptainBBeard]

@jenphalian My favorite part, though, is that he finally figured out how use to the cat door just when he got too big to get through it. Hee hee hee.

[Captain Blondbeard @CaptainBBeard]

@jenphalian @JimmyLee1834 Indeed?

[Captain Blondbeard @CaptainBBeard]

@JimmyLee1834 @jenphalian This is just the plain, unvarnished truth.

[Captain Blondbeard @CaptainBBeard]

Box Cleaner says Scritchy Lady is coming tomorrow! Yay! Scritches! Yay! Help tormenting the dog! Yay!

[Captain Blondbeard @CaptainBBeard]

#InternationalCatDay should be a time of celebration, of joy. Yet I cannot help but take a moment to extend my sympathy to all of those inferior beings.

Okay. Moment's over. Time to hit the catnip and party down.

[Captain Blondbeard @CaptainBBeard]

@Guestyperson @StevenBrust @eccotron Oh, for God's sake.

[Captain Blondbeard @CaptainBBeard]

Thank god Bowl Filler is back! Maybe I won't starve to death after all.

[Captain Blondbeard @CaptainBBeard]

All evening, the Skritchy Lady has favored me. Clearly, dogs are destined to lose.

[Captain Blondbeard @CaptainBBeard]

LOL the stupid dog ate another one of Skritchy Lady's socks and now she's performatively petting me and ignoring him. #stupiddog

[Captain Blondbeard @CaptainBBeard]

LOL the stupid dog ate another one of Skritchy Lady's socks and now she's performatively petting me and ignoring him. #stupiddog

[Captain Blondbeard @CaptainBBeard]

Hey, Box Cleaner. See that shiny, metallic thing? That's the bottom of my food bowl. The bottom. Of my food bowl. Maybe you should do something about that?

[Captain Blondbeard @CaptainBBeard]

@theladychaosLA @StevenBrust I never go for the easy targets.

[Captain Blondbeard @CaptainBBeard]

@StevenBrust Just to be clear, that is totally not me relaxing near a d-o-g. That is some other cat that looks kinda like me, okay?

[Captain Blondbeard @CaptainBBeard]

@pooserville @StevenBrust I concede that a good scritch can make up for a multitude of sins.