Michael Scott

The Office quotes from the genius that is Michael Scott.

[Michael Scott @carellquotes]

In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. #theoffice

[Michael Scott @carellquotes]

Friends joke with one another. "Hey, um, you're poor." "Well hey, your mom is dead." That's what friends do. It's...you're so white, Toby.

[Michael Scott @carellquotes]

You expect to get screwed by your company, but you never expect to get screwed by your girlfriend. #theoffice

[Michael Scott @carellquotes]

Michael: What is the most inspiring thing I ever said to you?
Dwight: 'Don't be an idiot.' Changed my life.

[Michael Scott @carellquotes]

A penis, when seen in the right context, is the most wonderful sight for a woman, but in the wrong context, it is like a monster movie.

[Michael Scott @carellquotes]

M: I am going to steal all of your clients. And then I am going to kill them in front of you.
Pam: Michael!
M: I'm just getting hardcore.

[Michael Scott @carellquotes]

Michael: Well, I ran down Meredith in my car.
Ryan: Ohhhh. Did you do this on purpose?
Michael: No. I was being negligent.

[Michael Scott @carellquotes]

If I step on a mine in Scranton, Pennsylvania and die, you can have my job, okay? #theoffice

[Michael Scott @carellquotes]

Holly thinks that this relationship is over... I am not going to give up that easy. I am going to make this way harder than it needs to be.

[Michael Scott @carellquotes]

I'm fast. I'm very fast. I am like Forrest Gump, except I am not an idiot. #theoffice

[Michael Scott @carellquotes]

But I'm sort of an expert at Photoshop, so it turned out fine in the end. #theoffice

[Michael Scott @carellquotes]

Creed: We're screwed.
Michael: Who is?
Creed: Us. You, me. The old-timers.
Michael: I am not old. You are old. You are like a hundred.

[Michael Scott @carellquotes]

Wikipedia... Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.

[Michael Scott @carellquotes]

Michael: Pam, please clear my phone lines.
Pam: Certainly. Beep-boop bee-boop-boop beep beep beep boop. Okay, clear. #theoffice

[Michael Scott @carellquotes]

Dwight: What is the greatest danger facing Dunder Mifflin?
Ryan: Outsourcing and consolidation of competition.
Dwight: Wrong. Flash floods.

[Michael Scott @carellquotes]

Michael: Sounds like a good dentist. What's his name?
(long pause)
Dwight: ...Crentist.
Michael: Your dentist's name is Crentist. #theoffice

[Michael Scott @carellquotes]

Dwight: Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard that he is being shunned?
Jim: Andy, Dwight says welcome back and he could use a hug.

[Michael Scott @carellquotes]

I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not like this, compulsive, need, to be liked. Like my need to be praised. #theoffice

[Michael Scott @carellquotes]

Dwight: What's the ratio of Stanley Nickels to Schrute Bucks?
Stanley: The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns. #theoffice

[Michael Scott @carellquotes]

Dwight betrayed me once before. So this is strike two. You know what they say, fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice...strike three.