pastrami slut

Just want to be sponsored by Kaiser Permenante She/her //comedian

[pastrami slut @careylieberman_]

A girl I went to high school with has an Only Fans but she photoshops her p*ssy lips out of the pics and I can’t stop thinking about it

[pastrami slut @careylieberman_]

Pretty upsetting to realize @ladygaga is a Democrat

[pastrami slut @careylieberman_]

Two options when you cook high:
1. Cook everything perfectly...forgets key ingredient
2. Burns the house down

[pastrami slut @careylieberman_]

Anytime my phone changes ‘fucking’ to ‘ducking’ I think wow I would love some ducks right now. I’m sad.

[pastrami slut @careylieberman_]

The problem with wearing headphones at work is that I never know how loud my farts are

[pastrami slut @careylieberman_]

If you are not paying for your porn then it’s unethical

[pastrami slut @careylieberman_]

Our bb is LIVE! Listen in your car, or in your home office, or in your stepmom’s office, or while you bath your dirty quarantine body, idk just pls listen✨@BeccaRobs

https://t.co/C8EDcj0XXH

[pastrami slut @careylieberman_]

Wow I can’t wait to be a mother.........fucker. I’m going to fuck your mom 🤫

[pastrami slut @careylieberman_]

I was feeling totally fine until my therapist made me talk about my feelings

[pastrami slut @careylieberman_]

Just now realizing at 26 that I should have been charging for my nudes a long time ago

[pastrami slut @careylieberman_]

The US Air Force is adding death rays to their fighter jets proving once again that Dr. Evil is in charge of our military

[pastrami slut @careylieberman_]

@yclek_nielk To Colorado? See you soon

[pastrami slut @careylieberman_]

Ate my first plant in days, feeling my powers slowly returning 🥦

[pastrami slut @careylieberman_]

New Rule: States that voted red don’t get to have legal weed. Or any weed, y’all need to enjoy cancer and anxiety to the fullest for the next few years to learn your lesson

[pastrami slut @careylieberman_]

@ComedyBrandyB I always give ‘em a conversation to remember

[pastrami slut @careylieberman_]

This hand tattoo will make me unapproachable to men on the street right?

[pastrami slut @careylieberman_]

@yclek_nielk I snuck into nyc for the weekend 😅

[pastrami slut @careylieberman_]

Took 5 deep breathes of east coast air and the cunt came right back!

[pastrami slut @careylieberman_]

My phone keeps capitalizing the h in Him like I’m texting god or some shit

[pastrami slut @careylieberman_]

New rule: If I can successfully navigate to your place from memory then we’ve been fucking for too long