Carlan

[ellie schnitt @holy_schnitt]

“all hot girls have stomach pain” I am begging u to consider purchasing some lactaid tablets it doesn’t have to be like this sweet angels

[Southwestern Public Health @SW_PublicHealth]

We have expanded our pop-up clinics again! Here is an updated list!

All of these are walk-in clinics for ages 12+, serving Pfizer.

#VaccinationisKey

[ellie schnitt @holy_schnitt]

I think I hate some of my friends’ exes more than they do lol they’re out here like “I hope he’s doing well :)” and I’m like oh? I hope he never gets a convenient parking spot ever again and can only grow patchy pubey facial hair forever

[Seth Rogen @Sethrogen]

You literally inspired a deadly insurrection you stupid fuck.

[venus as a they @lgbtop]

i give everyone permission to milk my death for personal benefits if i die. idc if we’re just acquaintances, if we ever talked and i suddenly drop dead one day i want you to tell your boss you just lost a friend and take the day off. my treat

[𝐵𝑒𝓇𝑔𝒹𝑜𝓇𝒻 𝐵𝓇𝓊𝓃𝑒𝓉𝓉𝑒 🕊 @coffeevalentino]

kinda miss social media in 2012 where the concept of an influencer didn’t exist and everyone was using instagram’s premade filters and posting pictures of random shit like a handful of skittles or an overexposed sunset those were the days

[jocelyn vlores @notjoss]

so schools can’t force students to wear a mask... but they can force girls to cover up when they wear a spaghetti strap tank top??? ok.

[bri @bigshitxtalker]

I’m so glad we have social media to see the REAL instead of the fake.

[Colleen @Coll3enG]

i kinda like drinking during quarantine because not once while i’ve been double fisting vodka crans in my apartment has any dude unnecessarily put his hand on my back to get around me

[Mark @MG92__2]

It's amazing how Americans are different kind of stupid.

[Dwight K. Schrute, Dunder Mifflin (Parody) @DwightSchrute_]

🙃🙃🙃

[Fifty Shades of Whey @davenewworld_]

NHL: hockey is postponed indefinitely

*2 hours later*

Canada: we have a cure

[Joe Roche @JRoche3MR]

Hockey has been cancelled for like six hours and Canada solved coronavirus

[Casey Leonard @casey_leonard]

LADIES!!!