Danille Licausi

I show guys how-to seduce women anywhere.

[Danille Licausi @carlaqloeb]

According to the second law of thermodynamics, you're supposed to share your hotness with me.

[Danille Licausi @carlaqloeb]

My locker is jammed and I can't get my homework out of it. I actually used this one.

[Danille Licausi @carlaqloeb]

I can't come in today....I found a stray cat by my home this week-end and it has really bad diarrhea and I have to take it to the vets.

[Danille Licausi @carlaqloeb]

Q. How can you tell a head nurse? A. She's the one with the dirty knees!

[Danille Licausi @carlaqloeb]

I feel worn-out.

[Danille Licausi @carlaqloeb]

If you have an empty slot, I have the card to fill it.

[Danille Licausi @carlaqloeb]

I am thinking about getting a Mercedes-Benz C 63 AMG for a new car!

[Danille Licausi @carlaqloeb]

Q. What's the difference between a whore and a bitch? A. Whore's fuck everyone at the party, Bitches fuck everyone at the party except you.

[Danille Licausi @carlaqloeb]

I am thinking about getting a BMW 320d Touring Automatic for a new car!

[Danille Licausi @carlaqloeb]

Do you have any sunscreen? 'Cause you are burning me up!

[Danille Licausi @carlaqloeb]

Well, I had to pick my two friends up from home to go to a marching band parade. One of my friends washed his band t-shirt, but never dri...

[Danille Licausi @carlaqloeb]

Hey Officer, what did you pull me over for? " ""Well son, you were speeding and weaving all over the road. Oh I know, I ran out of beer a...

[Danille Licausi @carlaqloeb]

A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral. Antoine de Sa...

[Danille Licausi @carlaqloeb]

Internet Dating Software Sends First Messages Automatically #Dating http://t.co/qw9GzOsy

[Danille Licausi @carlaqloeb]

I feel somber.

[Danille Licausi @carlaqloeb]

Approximately 50% of divorced men and women reported that there former spouse had engaged in extra-marital sex. For divorced couples, pre...

[Danille Licausi @carlaqloeb]

A teenaged guy called in for his girlfriend and told her supervisor that she wouldn't be in to work that day because her vagina hurt and ...

[Danille Licausi @carlaqloeb]

I just got a hand mixer for a gift!

[Danille Licausi @carlaqloeb]

I just can't stop listening to Tron Legacy Score by Soundtrack!

[Danille Licausi @carlaqloeb]

This is the coolest thing I ever seen!! http://t.co/JFJhKdv3