carlstori

Did anyone ever think that maybe Sylvia Plath wasn't crazy, she was just cold?

[carlstori @carlstori]

Check it out! Ultimate Quakes Experience!! https://t.co/HWvLKxCvHh

[carlstori @carlstori]

“I said no fish though.” https://t.co/4ub7MRTqzj

[NBC News @NBCNews]

WATCH: Emma Gonzalez names the murdered Parkland victims and observes several minutes of silence in a 6-minute, 20-second speech that covered the same time it took the gunman to kill 17 people in her high school:

"Fight for your lives before it's someone else's job."

[Allison Janney @AllisonBJanney]

We can't sit on the sidelines while politicians suppress voting rights. Join me in supporting @LetAmericaVote by texting VOTE to 44939.

[carlstori @carlstori]

Today a kid compared my way of speaking to them to @GordonRamsay so obviously I’m putting that in my teaching evaluation.

[carlstori @carlstori]

Is there a thing where I can be a human and have a job and whatever, but also just watch #WestWing and post little snippet videos?

[carlstori @carlstori]

@GHardstark At Christmas time my catchphrase was ‘Lexapro Ho Ho’. 🎅🏻

[Parks and Recreation @parksandrec]

It is lit'rally @RobLowe's birthday. 🎉👍

[carlstori @carlstori]

Me thinking about texting my ex: I’m a different person now than I was two years ago. I’ve watched @theofficenbc.

[carlstori @carlstori]

GONNA SEE @HAIMtheband AT THE FOX SO YASSSSSSSSSSS

[carlstori @carlstori]

Just how single is Wes? #nailedit @netflix

[carlstori @carlstori]

Everyone break up with their boyfriend over text message and drink vodka cokes and watch #nailedit plus @nicolebyer be my friend

[Mary Lynn Rajskub @MaryLynnRajskub]

I’m resigning as my own economic advisor .

[carlstori @carlstori]

Wilbur’s gonna find the traysure. @KarenKilgariff @MyFavMurder #unsolvedmysteries #robertstack4eva

[Anela Kiele @AnelaKiele]

Already sitting in starbucks but still about to mobile order my banana nut bread #antisocialsocialclub

[carlstori @carlstori]

I guess my interest in true crime either started with ‘The Adventures of Mary-Kate and Ashley’ or ‘A Woman Scorned: The Betty Broderick Story’. cc: @MyFavMurder @StevenRayMorris @GHardstark @KarenKilgariff

[carlstori @carlstori]

Look. Listen. I don’t care what year the leaves murder took place. It is a primo story and it’s been my anecdote for every social encounter I’ve had since last week. You go, @KarenKilgariff. @MyFavMurder #correctionscorner

[carlstori @carlstori]

Okay but are we really sure we’re giving @WhitfordBradley as much credit as an incredible actor as he rightfully deserves? #thepost

[carlstori @carlstori]

#imwithher https://t.co/btEVKSkjg7

[NBC News @NBCNews]

"We call BS!" Student from Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School leads chant on lawmakers' responses to gun violence after school shooting.

[carlstori @carlstori]

Please always remember me as someone who never met a comedy special opening that she liked.