Carl Barker

My wife and kids don't laugh at my jokes either

[Carl Barker @carltbarker]

@EmmaScott The heaviest thing you will carry for me is the weight of your disappointment in me

[Carl Barker @carltbarker]

@EmmaScott Not another one

[Carl Barker @carltbarker]

@nkh12349 If they start teaching you to use a ping pong ball down there, you've probably gone to the wrong class

[Carl Barker @carltbarker]

@thenostalgic The picture shows a woman in the middle of a smear test

[Carl Barker @carltbarker]

@sweatsntopknots Is that your pet name for your French boyfriend?

[Carl Barker @carltbarker]

@SnowBellesHell Does Kevin's wife know?

[Carl Barker @carltbarker]

@MedusaOusa At least the Void responded to you

[Carl Barker @carltbarker]

@MartinSLewis Fluently? Zero

[Carl Barker @carltbarker]

@_indica_sky I feel seen

[Carl Barker @carltbarker]

@gymlifeanimal Definitely the next stage in the evolution of the string vest

[Carl Barker @carltbarker]

@becs2986 Me too, at least since the chloroform was delivered

[Carl Barker @carltbarker]

@Number10cat If my knowledge of history is correct, the collapse of the British Empire took decades, but the collapse of the American Empire will be measured in mile per hour

[Carl Barker @carltbarker]

@EmmaScott But then it is an ellipsisis

[Carl Barker @carltbarker]

@ohhanxiety Most of my professional relationships have

[Carl Barker @carltbarker]

@AwkwardAndOdd Does anyone actually commit phone numbers to memory these days?

[Carl Barker @carltbarker]

@chepchumba_val Speaking Latin

[Carl Barker @carltbarker]

@EmmaScott @HolyCitySinner Have you not seen "28 Days Later"?

[Carl Barker @carltbarker]

@slipperygoblin Cessna or Piper?

[Carl Barker @carltbarker]

@OrkneyLibrary * Other types of car are also available

[Carl Barker @carltbarker]

@notahorror What have you got against garden implements?