Carl

no.

[Carl @carlythornton]

bruh they are so serious on there 😭😭 people are coming for me for making fun of bicyclists lmaooshshahs

[Carl @carlythornton]

i keep edging towards threads but then i always come back bc twitter is still much funnier😭

[Carl @carlythornton]

It’s really humbling to watch forgetting Sarah Marshall and hear Jason say he’s 27 years old when he’s at the doctors office. How dare you be younger than me now

[Carl @carlythornton]

sam on the bachelorette lmaoooshshshs shut up

[Carl @carlythornton]

I just got an unsolicited email from orangetheory and i’m lowkey mad about it. i do not exercise /mind your businESS

[cats with jobs 🛠 @CatWorkers]

The perfect way to close a business deal. https://t.co/4V41oNan0W

[Erick Lorinc 🎃 @ErickLorinc]

Finding the best use of the word "fuck" in a PG-13 movie is an artform

[Carl @carlythornton]

now is about the time in my life where i really wish i listened to the adults in my life who always reminded me to stand up straight

[Carl @carlythornton]

give ayo her flowers though she is the shining light ✨

[Carl @carlythornton]

This has bothered me FOR A WHILE NOW esp with Emmy noms being dropped today. While I love this show it’s not a fucking comedy and should be categorized appropriately regardless of run time

[Carl @carlythornton]

Some of the drama nominations are FUNNIER THAN THE BEAR. There needs to be changes here bc I’m over this show/specifically Jeremy Allen white winning for doing nothing funny whatsoever ☹️

[Carl @carlythornton]

I feel like hand holding is a weird form of affection. Once my hand is in that chokehold my mind is thinking of every other thing I could currently be using that hand for

[I Think You Should Leave memes 💦🥩 @ITYSL_memes]

Live debate reaction:

[Carl @carlythornton]

#1 use of swiffer mop: bug killin at a safe-ish distance

[Carl @carlythornton]

“i think i ate one of her pubic hairs”
“sounds probably right”
line from midsommar gets me every time

[Carl @carlythornton]

the Quinta Brunson /Jen Aniston actors on actors is the sweetest one so far 🥲

[Carl @carlythornton]

I absolutely cannot stand when someone calls someone else “a cancer” in a drama situation. I see it ALL THE TIME on reality shows and like plsss stfu. use any other metaphor

[Carl @carlythornton]

Ok BBC you blurred out the titties in the shining? At 2:30AM!?

[Carl @carlythornton]

Finished and they never addressed it. How, why.

[Carl @carlythornton]

watching the traitors and have become possibly obsessed with Kate from below deck and it’s making me almost wanna watch below deck 😭

[Carl @carlythornton]

This brings me to the point: they’ve got 2 crew members by the name of Ross and Chandler and NO ONE has acknowledged that yet????? only on ep1. expectations set

[Carl @carlythornton]

Beyoncé is someone that is just a literal out of this world ALIEN of talent and if you’re not bowing down to her pls leave the planet