Carly Anderson

[Carly Anderson @carlyx]

@shelby14_ when is the next 15%?

[Carly Anderson @carlyx]

@shelby14_ FRONT DOOR

[Carly Anderson @carlyx]

@shelby14_ Cleaning lady

[Carly Anderson @carlyx]

My dog makes Marley look like the best dog ever.

[Carly Anderson @carlyx]

My boss: did i ever tell you about the time i had a conversation with an owl?

[Carly Anderson @carlyx]

Today I woke up at noon, ate 2 lunchables and bought houseplants I'm gonna kill in a month. Is this adulting?

[Carly Anderson @carlyx]

@shelby14_ At least I'm a funny bitch

[Carly Anderson @carlyx]

@shelby14_ $8

[Carly Anderson @carlyx]

I'm the dumbest smart(ish) person I know.

[Carly Anderson @carlyx]

Apparently no one in iowa knows how to yield the right of way today.

[Carly Anderson @carlyx]

Cake.

[Carly Anderson @carlyx]

Mother of the week goes to the girl with blue hair wearing pajama pants and telling her 2 year old to "fucking shut the fuck up" congrats!

[Carly Anderson @carlyx]

@shelby14_ 70 recounts per hour... seems accurate.

[Carly Anderson @carlyx]

@shelby14_ RECOUNT

[Carly Anderson @carlyx]

When the car in front of me at the drive thru puts it in Park to order I instantly hate them.

[Carly Anderson @carlyx]

I'M A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN who needs a boyfriend to mow my lawn and fix my car and anything else that breaks.

[Carly Anderson @carlyx]

My brother called me today.
1st reaction: holy shit I forgot I have a brother!
2nd reaction: fuck who died

[Carly Anderson @carlyx]

Before getting a blue heeler, think to yourself, "am I okay with everything in my possession being destroyed?"

[Carly Anderson @carlyx]

That friend that calls you at 11 pm just to make sure you're still alive. Keep that one. 😘

[Carly Anderson @carlyx]

Who cares if he talked to christy, see she's so irrelevant I can't even say her name right. 😂 @shelby14_ the real mvp