people who go silent when something upsets or hurts them, experience a coping mechanism called emotional withdrawal. It's not that they have nothing to say, it's bc their system learned that silence is safer than being misunderstood. Instead of expressing anger, they hold it in
My therapist told me:
“When a person grows up feeling unseen, they learn to love by over-giving. They pour into everyone else, hoping that, one day, someone will finally pour back into them. So they become the care taker. The fixer. The one who shows up, even when no one shows up for them.”
And the hardest part? Deep down, they're not trying to be strong. They're just waiting for someone to do for them what they've spent their whole life doing for everyone else.
an eldest daughter once said being the firstborn means you’re automatically irritated by incompetence. not because you’re harsh, but because you were never given the room to be incompetent yourself. the daughters who know… know.