John Carstens

Taller and calmer than the average American male.

[John Carstens @carstensible]

Wifey’s been busy. Fabric taken from shirts the boys have outgrown, and clothes I can’t pull off any more. #wfh #facemask #crafty https://t.co/urGCo6n8wU

[John Carstens @carstensible]

Scary when it happened, but I lived to post about it. #totaled @ Oak Park, Illinois https://t.co/ISc3xGmLTY

[John Carstens @carstensible]

#McSweeneys picked up my latest. And it’s important that you do too. instagram #filter #nofilter https://t.co/G6u9nNQBkS https://t.co/JP1cW4zNCM

[John Carstens @carstensible]

I married my doppelgänger. #americangothic @ Fish Creek, Wisconsin https://t.co/Cj8rRt71yv

[John Carstens @carstensible]

“Hey babe, let’s wear these later, if you know what I mean.” #santahustle #chicago @ Chicago, Illinois https://t.co/6WZ56EyeNg

[John Carstens @carstensible]

More like the neck pillow of shame. #spayed #schnoodle @ Oak Park, Illinois https://t.co/GrJSuHQRx7

[John Carstens @carstensible]

Balmy 33-degree afternoon in #GreenBay. Nowhere better. #GoPackGo @ Lambeau Field https://t.co/8XYFavYeFe

[John Carstens @carstensible]

Hope this package doesn’t get taken by a porch pirate. #HappyHalloween @ Oak Park, Illinois https://t.co/2tr4ytMCDo

[John Carstens @carstensible]

That picturesque yet discouraging October snow. @ Oak Park, Illinois https://t.co/UAknX8LiZD

[John Carstens @carstensible]

Guess this is our 20th anniversary dinner. We make it work. https://t.co/smwBCovc4M

[John Carstens @carstensible]

Getty Images keywords: Caucasian Middle-Aged Suburban Couple, Incongruously Youthful Eyeglasses, Benign Expression, Contemplating Digestive Impact, Children Cropped Out @ Oak Park, Illinois https://t.co/cBewZKVYvU

[John Carstens @carstensible]

Available in medium and extra small. #schnoodle https://t.co/w4vuecdl2l

[John Carstens @carstensible]

Well well, look who I get to work with again. Welcome to the Army mission, KB! #ohmyhelmet @ DDB Worldwide https://t.co/8R5ecE29kt

[John Carstens @carstensible]

Another one from the mind of owencarstens. The monster busts out of its creepy rag doll skin to eat your face. #ohthehorror https://t.co/l1aUBB5tCy

[John Carstens @carstensible]

Working on some new skillz. Will soon be available for all your dystopian special effects needs. #fyre https://t.co/RMK7hiN7sp

[John Carstens @carstensible]

#Sconsin style. @ Door County, Wisconsin https://t.co/gxaVqsGNno

[John Carstens @carstensible]

If you’re a #Packers fan, #Chicago is the best place to live. #DoubleDoink #GoPack https://t.co/ZbmR81pNLt

[John Carstens @carstensible]

Big lake. Sandy beach. Things to do. #michigan @ Empire Beach https://t.co/X1gpmwZZVt

[John Carstens @carstensible]

Well. We’ve got a high schooler now. #OPRF @ Oak Park and River Forest High School Library https://t.co/ncCic6ZD5i

[John Carstens @carstensible]

We’ve got some fixing up to do, but come next spring (hopefully) this listing will appear on #Airbnb: “Midcentury modern retreat. Wooded bluff. Water views.” Rumor has it there will be special rates for family,… https://t.co/AM6cElv4n9