Carter Siddall 🤖🧠🚀

I’m in a commercial for Canada Post and haven’t caught Covid yet. Represented by @agencyritter

[Carter Siddall 🤖🧠🚀 @cartersiddall]

In 2017, I paid Cards Against Humanity to protect a pristine plot of border land from Trump’s racist wall. But then an even richer, more racist billionaire—Elon Musk—stole my land and dumped his shit all over it. @ElonMusk owes me $100. #ElonOwesMe100Bucks https://t.co/RuUqdTZX2t

[Carter Siddall 🤖🧠🚀 @cartersiddall]

@hjbaltimore Sometimes it was me with makeup, but most shots used the prosthetic.

[Carter Siddall 🤖🧠🚀 @cartersiddall]

@SpicyChefMwah @lmNOTcatholic I was the Cello Guy. Thank you for acknowledging my graphic mutilation!

[Carter Siddall 🤖🧠🚀 @cartersiddall]

I’ve jumped ship. Hope to see you over there! https://t.co/V33b5yP9Hp

[Carter Siddall 🤖🧠🚀 @cartersiddall]

Artist: “I hate that AI is copying my work.”

Environmentalist: “I hate that the planet is on fire.”

Crypto Bro: “I hate that we still have physical money.”

[Carter Siddall 🤖🧠🚀 @cartersiddall]

Extreme heat is here to stay. We’re all going to have to get a whole lot better looking if we’re all going to be wearing a lot less.

[Carter Siddall 🤖🧠🚀 @cartersiddall]

Wisconsin governor can only help people by going rogue. https://t.co/lRNXfeO4yb

[Carter Siddall 🤖🧠🚀 @cartersiddall]

“Have you felt this hard lump on the dog’s back? I think we better make a vet appointment.”

“It’s okay, that’s where I spilled some BBQ sauce on him.”

[Carter Siddall 🤖🧠🚀 @cartersiddall]

Canadians: “We’d like to alter the anthem from ‘Our home and native land’ to ‘Our home ON native land’ to address the country’s history of mistreatment towards indigenous people.”

Americans: “…the rockets red glare, the bombs bursting in air? IT’S FINE! LEAVE IT ALONE!!”

[Carter Siddall 🤖🧠🚀 @cartersiddall]

It’s the USA’s 247th anniversary and they’ve decided to celebrate by making it legal to discriminate against people.

[Carter Siddall 🤖🧠🚀 @cartersiddall]

"Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves" is now on Netflix and is far better than it has any right to be. There's a cute scene during the end credits, but I was really hoping to see a group of people sitting around a table rolling dice. I would have screamed!

[Carter Siddall 🤖🧠🚀 @cartersiddall]

Same with “enunciate”.

[Carter Siddall 🤖🧠🚀 @cartersiddall]

The fact you can’t say the word “lisp” properly if you have one is a great cruelty of the English language.

[Carter Siddall 🤖🧠🚀 @cartersiddall]

I realize that art is subjective and everyone has their own opinion, but if you prefer “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade” to “Raiders of the Lost Ark” then… you’re wrong. You’re just comparing seeing it in the theatre in ‘89 as opposed to first watching “Raiders” on VHS.

[Carter Siddall 🤖🧠🚀 @cartersiddall]

(2024)

Assistant: “Sir, the AI says that instead of continuing to sell bathmats, we should… kill them all?”

CEO: (pulling gun from desk drawer) “Well, it seems a little unorthodox, but who am I to argue?”

[Carter Siddall 🤖🧠🚀 @cartersiddall]

Fall Out Boy - We Didn't Start the Fire (Lyric Video) https://t.co/6uNHGk88Yb This is a nice attempt, but Joel’s original is superior because it went through noteworthy events in chronological order. This update tosses 34 years of history into a blender and hits purée.

[Carter Siddall 🤖🧠🚀 @cartersiddall]

He may be handsome and extremely talented, but I’m sure nobody in his life thought they’d see CORENSWET on a marquee.

[Carter Siddall 🤖🧠🚀 @cartersiddall]

David Corenswet is the new Superman.

Not since Arnold Schwarzenegger has an actor with such an odd name been cast in a high profile role. He must be brilliant!

[Carter Siddall 🤖🧠🚀 @cartersiddall]

Will John Tory still call us after the election?

[Carter Siddall 🤖🧠🚀 @cartersiddall]

@Tyler_Hewitt I think all elections should run this way from now on.

Who are you most threatened by? Okay, got it. Thanks for letting me know.

(I had no idea you were out of the city. Must be a hell of a commute.)

[Carter Siddall 🤖🧠🚀 @cartersiddall]

Today, I’m voting for Olivia Chow partly because Doug Ford and Pierre Poilievre don’t want me to.

The right wing had a good point. It turns out that doing something to piss off your ideological opposites can be a lot of fun!