Carter

interested in dueling and the future of space travel - never ever vote democrat!

[Carter @cartersugar]

Winning is easy. Winning is very easy. But losing: losing is hard. Very hard

[Carter @cartersugar]

Today my MD walked by and gave me shit because I was on my phone. I said he would be on his phone too if he was young still and wheeling all these thots. He said he’s been married for 42 years. I called him a chopped unc. He said he didn’t know what that meant. I said 6 7 old man

[Carter @cartersugar]

Hey girl you want to come ove r I’ve been drinking Jameson on the rocks and I’m watching Empire Strikes Back and we’re only at the scene where Han Solo cuts open the taun taun #smellsbad #fromtheoutside

[Carter @cartersugar]

If I would have landed at Omaha beach on D Day I would have just killed everything. Different type of guy.

[Carter @cartersugar]

Not singling anyone out but you don’t have to drive slow when it’s raining just a little bit #somalians

[Carter @cartersugar]

He just bought a house. Now make sure the city approves plans to extend the Minneapolis light rail through his neighborhood.

[Carter @cartersugar]

Spike his cortisol levels by 36%

[Carter @cartersugar]

Force all the tasty ingredients of his sandwich to the back corner of the bread, he’ll work towards that.

Good, he’s nearing the last bite. Right as he goes in make everything slide out the back and fall to the ground.

[Carter @cartersugar]

@indigoati Get rotated idiot

[Carter @cartersugar]

Gave a presentation to some big prospects today. On every slide I overlayed a picture of Sydney Sweeney’s huge rack at 5% opacity - too faint to see with the human eye but the lizard brain neocortex picks it up slightly. Unbeknownst to them, I was simultaneously spiking their dopamine and decreasing cortisol as their eyes were fixed on my PowerPoint.

Needless to say I made some big life insurance sales today #game

[Carter @cartersugar]

If you have a bonfire in Wisconsin, Mike might just pull up with the #doublestack

[Carter @cartersugar]

Mahogany teakwood candle to cover up the scent of a blunt rolled in a grape swisher sweet

[Carter @cartersugar]

I was not lying

[Carter @cartersugar]

I’m in Iran hitting em with that goyim discombobulator

[Carter @cartersugar]

i don’t like beer APRIL FOOLS

[Carter @cartersugar]

Tens of thousands of mouthfuls of expensive cheese, washed down carelessly with ‘full-bodied’ Merlot

[Carter @cartersugar]

Rearm Japan now.

[Carter @cartersugar]

It is Thursday. I have completely forgotten the hungover promises I made to myself on Sunday.

[Carter @cartersugar]

I personally know 29 Matt’s. 5 of them go by Matthew, not Matt. It’s just too much.

[Carter @cartersugar]

@kalio_8 says we can not get the 19 year old braless French au pair #shrink