casey w

here for fun

[casey w @caseyjwheldon]

Colgate accidentally sold me an electric toothbrush head without the planned obsolescence built in and now I’m feeling like Josh Brolin in No Country For Old Men

[casey w @caseyjwheldon]

My friend told me he has the new Amontillado flavored juul pods and he invited me to come over and try them. Nice 👍

[Justin Decloux @DeclouxJ]

When he sings, "I want my baby back... baby back.. baby back...", he's calling out for his child, who will never return to him... because he ate them.

[casey w @caseyjwheldon]

This is the plot of the movie The Brutalist

[Science girl @sciencegirl]

Beer billboard in Brighton uses sunlight and a foliage cutout to form a beer bottle shape on a yellow board from 6:30-6:45 p.m

https://t.co/ntevleGMlN

[The Lunch Podcast @LunchPodcastLOL]

Casey and Alex introduce their new producers, talk about stealing candy from their S/Os, and create a multibillion dollar business idea having to do with lunch. wow.

Check out Alex's art at: https://t.co/FcYCR5Hd0L

https://t.co/Uxyu9L25o2

[The Lunch Podcast @LunchPodcastLOL]

TFW a new Lunch Podcast episode is coming out soon.........

[casey w @caseyjwheldon]

They hired me to write an extra set of Conclave jokes for the Oscars in case the pope dies before the ceremony

[alfredosolisfuentes @AlfredoFilmGeek]

Every big budget movie is made like this now

[casey w @caseyjwheldon]

https://t.co/BqT8tqTYP0
Yahya Sinwar bravely attacks Israeli drone

[casey w @caseyjwheldon]

Gotta give credit where it’s due: when you need a surface on which to slice a piece of bread in half, a cutting board can’t be beat 💯

[casey w @caseyjwheldon]

Breaking: Trump signs executive order reverting all Agatha Christie novels to their original titles

[keeesh ♣️ @keeeshahere]

I’m about to delete this app🤦🏽‍♀️

[casey w @caseyjwheldon]

Mentally ill teenagers when their best friend from online who’s been encouraging them to get into jihad stops replying to their messages on the same day that the FBI fires a bunch of people

[Leading Report @LeadingReport]

BREAKING: Multiple senior FBI leaders have been ordered to retire, resign, or be fired by Monday, per CNN.

[casey w @caseyjwheldon]

Joke stolen from a tweet that Frieda made in 2015. Just because she’s since deleted her twitter they think they can get away with it 🤨🤔🧐😑😠

[Saturday Night Live @nbcsnl]

Oedipal Arrangements

[casey w @caseyjwheldon]

One thing nobody wants to admit about falling asleep at the wheel is that it’s a great way to get some shut-eye

[casey w @caseyjwheldon]

@OfficialOrville I’m the person who commented saying “Jill Stein voters are about to find out!” even though mathematically Jill Stein had no impact on Biden’s results

[casey w @caseyjwheldon]

@OfficialOrville America waits patiently for the Daneissance