Real Lager Reviews (SMP)

No nonsense lager reviews brought to you by Sphinx Mohican Productions (SMP)

[Real Lager Reviews (SMP) @caskalereviews]

@Rainmaker1973 Phwoar

[Real Lager Reviews (SMP) @caskalereviews]

Snatched that pathetic beer review account out of the gutter. My genius will make it worthwhile. You’ll all see. When I was at Lockheed Martin we would destroy insignificant worms like this all the time. Buckle up, losers, SMP are MASSIVE #SphinxStyle

[Real Lager Reviews (SMP) @caskalereviews]

Hi guys, Chris Sphinx here, SMP CEO. This beer review account was going under, so I stepped in. Don’t listen to the former owners, they don’t know what they’re talking about. Watch how real business is done. More Quality reviews incoming. #TurnaroundExpert #lagerlagerlager #SMP

[Real Lager Reviews (SMP) @caskalereviews]

Kronenbourg, 4.2%. Kronenbourg beer offers a perfectly balanced fresh taste, fine bitterness & the subtlety of its fruity notes. The beer is made from selected barley, water drawn from the underground source below the brewery & hops. The result is a well-balanced brew with a smoo

[Real Lager Reviews (SMP) @caskalereviews]

Furthermore, if you are reading, please tell mum that I shan’t be joining tor tea tonight, CS is taking me to the Harvester on Baggeshall Road for a celebratory Mixed Grill

[Real Lager Reviews (SMP) @caskalereviews]

Hi guys, Iain Lavender here, I just want to announce that I’m absolutely delighted to have been hired as head of the Global Interactive Marketing (of) Products Sector (GIMPS) under the umbrella of SMP (Sphinx Mohican Productions) can’t wait to engage with our great community! 💥

[Real Lager Reviews (SMP) @caskalereviews]

Just want to thank Chris Sphinx and Paul Mohican for taking a massive gamble on me, despite me single-handedly wrestling this account from its’ former landlords, including (but not exclusively) the Rat himself. I know you’re reading this you pathetic snail, who’s the daddy now?

[Real Lager Reviews (SMP) @caskalereviews]

#JUDASLAVENDAR 👹

[Real Lager Reviews (SMP) @caskalereviews]

Desperados, 5.9.%.

Product Descriptor
BEER Flavoured with *agave spirit

Ingredients
Water, malted barley, glucose syrup, sugar, hop extract, acidity regulator: citric acid, natural flavouring (contains agave spirit 0.1%).

[Real Lager Reviews (SMP) @caskalereviews]

SMP ARE NOT WHO THEY SAY THEY ARE. LOOK INTO THEIR HQ IN CURAÇAO. DEEPLY SUSPECT LAVENDER COULD BE INVOLVED. NO ONE KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT PAUL MOHICAN. ITS ALL A LIE #thetruthisoutthere

[Real Lager Reviews (SMP) @caskalereviews]

Asahi Super Dry 5.2% a product that transformed the modern beer industry in Japan, is described as a highly attenuated lager without the heavier malt flavors of competitors' products, with a crisp, dry taste reminiscent of some northern German beers.

[Real Lager Reviews (SMP) @caskalereviews]

SMP ARE ON TO ME. DON’T KNOW HOW LONG I’LL HAVE ACCESS TO THIS ACCOUNT FOR. CONTACT ME ON [email protected] IF NEEDED. ALL THE BEST Nige xox

[Real Lager Reviews (SMP) @caskalereviews]

Sorry for that last tweet, guys. Looks like we’ve got a few technical gremlins in the mainframe. Normal business will be resumed soon. All the best - SMP Admin

[Real Lager Reviews (SMP) @caskalereviews]

I’VE STILL GOT THE PASSWORD FOR THIS ACCOUNT! EVERYONE, DO NOT ENGAGE WITH THESE LAGERS PEDDLERS. CASK ALE REVIEWS IS UNDER ATTACK! I REPEAT, CASK ALE REVIEWS IS UNDER ATTACK! THIS IS WAR! Nige xox

[Real Lager Reviews (SMP) @caskalereviews]

Madrí Excepcional, 4.6%. Madrí has all the taste characteristics of a Modern European Lager, full of flavour & aroma at 4.6% ABV with a light golden colour. Crisp, clean & refreshing, Madrí Excepcional has a smooth, well-rounded taste profile with a short, bitter finish.

[Real Lager Reviews (SMP) @caskalereviews]

Stella Artois, 4.6%. Stella Artois is proud of its rich Belgian heritage. Stella Artois traces its origins to over 600 years ago, to the Den Hoorn brewery in Leuven, Belgium founded in 1366. Stella Artois was born as a Holiday gift to the people of Leuven from the brewery.

[Real Lager Reviews (SMP) @caskalereviews]

We here at Sphinx Mohican Productions want to dispel rumours that our company completed a ‘hostile takeover’ of this account today, when we did no such thing. The sale of this account was LEGAL and legitimate. We are proud to advertise new and exciting lagers for all #dealwithit

[Real Lager Reviews (SMP) @caskalereviews]

Peroni 5% Peroni Brewery is a brewing company founded by Francesco Peroni in Vigevano, Italy, in 1846. In 2016, as part of agreements made with regulators before Anheuser-Busch InBev was allowed to acquire SABMiller, the company sold Peroni to Asahi Breweries.

[Real Lager Reviews (SMP) @caskalereviews]

Carling, 4%. ORIGINAL LAGER
THE UK’S NO.1 LAGER*, BREWED WITH 100% BRITISH BARLEY. IT’S PERFECTLY BALANCED, WITH A GREAT REFRESHING TASTE. 4% ABV.

* GlobalData UK Market Analyzer Dec 2017

[Real Lager Reviews (SMP) @caskalereviews]

Foster’s, 4%. Founded by William and Ralph Foster in 1888, Foster’s quickly made a name for itself in its home city of Melbourne. Replacing the colonial ales that the poms had brought with them, Aussies loved the crisp taste and ice-cold refreshment that Foster’s beer provided.