Because We're Human

For tweets that every guy and only badass girls can relate to.

[Because We're Human @CauseWeAreHuman]

I'm saving myself from marriage.

[Because We're Human @CauseWeAreHuman]

When I'm bored, nobody texts me, but as soon as I'm busy, BAM.. still nobody texts me.

[Because We're Human @CauseWeAreHuman]

Nothing sucks more than that moment in an argument when you realize you're wrong.

[Because We're Human @CauseWeAreHuman]

Oh, so you're naturally beautiful? Mind if I test that out with a wet wipe?

[Because We're Human @CauseWeAreHuman]

If you can name 2 Kardashians but can't name 2 countries in the Horn of Africa, grab a fork and stick it in an electrical socket.

[Because We're Human @CauseWeAreHuman]

Swearing: because sometimes, calling someone a cotton-headed ninny-muggins just won't do it.

[Because We're Human @CauseWeAreHuman]

Oh, you donated $1 at the cash register to starving children? Please teach me how to abolish world hunger like you.

[Because We're Human @CauseWeAreHuman]

My liver gets nervous every Friday.

[Because We're Human @CauseWeAreHuman]

Oh, you're just a small town girl? Are you living in a lonely world?

[Because We're Human @CauseWeAreHuman]

Oh, they say you are what you eat.. Well, I don't recall eating any sexy beasts today.

[Because We're Human @CauseWeAreHuman]

Oh, you're a customer? Please enlighten me some more about how to do my job correctly.

[Because We're Human @CauseWeAreHuman]

I'm not ignoring you. I'm pretending you're dead.

[Because We're Human @CauseWeAreHuman]

Oh, life is not fair? I appreciate you texting me this, from your iPhone, while on vacation in Hawaii. You're so right.

[Because We're Human @CauseWeAreHuman]

Oh, so you just uploaded an entire album of photos of yourself? And here I was worried that you were self absorbed.

[Because We're Human @CauseWeAreHuman]

I wouldn't be so sarcastic if beating the shit out of people wasn't against the law.

[Because We're Human @CauseWeAreHuman]

Oh, so your hat matches your shoes? You must have so much swag.

[Because We're Human @CauseWeAreHuman]

Oh,you're a 14 year old girl with fake blonde hair and a feather extension? I bet you're mature for your age.

[Because We're Human @CauseWeAreHuman]

Oh, so you have swag? That must look really great on your resume.

[Because We're Human @CauseWeAreHuman]

You're in university and you still believe in God? That's so adorable.

[Because We're Human @CauseWeAreHuman]

Oh, so you take pictures using camera function on your iphone? You must know a lot about photography.