Martha Wheezer

avid fanny pack and nerf gun collector | 6 time world skip- it champion

[Martha Wheezer @cb0nk]

Now, America, if I was your president, the first thing I would do is make sure anyone who leaves their laundry in the washer in a shared apartment laundry room for over 48 hours, is charged with a 1st degree felony

[Martha Wheezer @cb0nk]

Have we ever thought maybe a vape doesn’t need a 32 inch OLED display? Perhaps it doesn’t need 200 horsepower? Can we go back to the beginning and not need this? Asking for a friend

[alexa @alexadoingstuff]

When my keys aren’t in the place I usually put them it is the same as being hunted for sport

[Martha Wheezer @cb0nk]

Got yelled at in not only one but two different languages before 10am today so that’s a record for my new job 🙂

[Martha Wheezer @cb0nk]

Being a lover girl in today’s society is the worst quality god could ever give someone

[Martha Wheezer @cb0nk]

the more you fuck around, the more you’re gonna find out

[Amanda Killian @eroscestlavie_x]

This is how it feels to have a job

[alexa @alexadoingstuff]

life hack I wish I knew sooner: you can get pretty much any bill lowered if you just call them and say you have a gun to your head

[Martha Wheezer @cb0nk]

A+ birthday present is calling work to ask what time you’re scheduled and then they tell you “girl you don’t even work today” let’s goooo

[Martha Wheezer @cb0nk]

The worst thing humanity ever did was adding the loop function to videos

[Martha Wheezer @cb0nk]

are you kidding

[Martha Wheezer @cb0nk]

I LOVE them

[alexa @alexadoingstuff]

The most evil men you ever date will put you on the best films honestly shoutout

[Martha Wheezer @cb0nk]

Got off work 7 hours ago and already on my way back for another 13. RT if you cried

[Martha Wheezer @cb0nk]

@wet_skeleton the slurpy swamp 🤯 what

[Martha Wheezer @cb0nk]

A 9:30pm playoff game on a Tuesday is criminal I’m sorry I don’t make the rules

[Martha Wheezer @cb0nk]

At the end of my shift, I told the patient I was with all day to try to have a good evening and get some rest and she replied by saying “I’m fine, I know I’m fine, and you fucking suck” lmaooo g2g

[Martha Wheezer @cb0nk]

Whoever introduced me to Jersey Mike’s is my mortal enemy