CB🌹💡🖤🦜😃👁️

Queen of the Castle

[strawberry milk* princess @plurbovers]

i cant believe all new cars have that ipad in the middle. i don’t want an ipad there. where are the buttons and doodads and gizmos what the FUCK

[𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 @OrevaZSN]

Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to log into Microsoft Authenticator 35 times a day, create deliverables for key stakeholders, and circle back offline.

[Ben Crew @BenjaminCrew1]

After you retire they unlock new exclusive movies for you. Dad asked if I had watched the Jeff Daniels Ronald Reagan movie. That doesn't exist for me yet. I'm not able to see that.

[Kattoo King @SimplyKattoo]

The alcohol in a martini should be enough to kill the parasite in my ceasar salad, and then I'll pair it with fries, which are safe

[May🌺 @_ayandamay]

It’s actually insane that running for class president at 17 means you’ve committed to planning your high school reunion at 27.

[𝙳𝚊 𝙸𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝙽𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚊 🧡 @TrudiiBee]

Rewatching movies as an adult changes your perspective.. dad in Dirty Dancing had every right to sit that bitch ina corner running around w/ a 40yr old prostitute resort dancer 😒

[Mike Bird @Birdyword]

Sometimes I think about the people who trekked across America on the understanding that God had promised them something amazing, thousands of miles through some pretty inhospitable and dangerous places, and then got to coastal California and got to be like wow yeah, knew it

[autist @litteralyme0]

Growing up hearing “Wikipedia isn't a valid source” and then entering a workplace where people say “just ask ChatGPT” is a surprisingly strange timeline

[Polymarket Football @PolymarketBlitz]

Zach Wilson looks like he's in a Disney channel movie about a guy who is forced to choose between Football and Dancing.

[brother of a goliath fan @poetrysecrets]

i can tell i've been affected by the decadent society i live in because i now consider the double stuf to be the main oreo

[‏ً @omgsidewalks]

You just know you're getting old when the radio stations and bars play music you don't like, but the supermarket is throwing out banger after banger.

[Zack Bornstein @ZackBornstein]

They made Jimmy Carter sell his peanut farm

[Lance Corporate @lance_corporate]

Dental hygienist (28F): I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this but based on my observations you are mere hours from death

Dentist (44M): looks good man

[Jani Gem 🌶 @Jani__Gee]

Omg recession indicator!

[Noah Kahan @NoahKahan]

As a Knicks fan since May, it is really hard to see all these fakers come into my fandom. Like where were you when we beat the sixers? Where were you when we beat the cavs? In fact, where was I? Where am I?

[Chris E. Crowley @chrisecrowley]

very French of Wemby to not be able to keep up with the New York work ethic

[jor @wombpatrol]

i understand preventing theft but we gotta unlock the deodorant aisle we gotta let people steal that shit during summer as a public good

[Wholesome Side of 𝕏 @itsme_urstruly]

I’m like the opposite of AI. It took me over half an hour to write a simple email, and I didn’t consume a single drop of water all day.