Christine Conroy

All is orchestral

[Christine Conroy @cbeans19]

All these Dime skin care ads everywhere is giving me the U2 album downloaded to everyone’s iPhone vibes. Enough!

[Christine Conroy @cbeans19]

How do these chain stores stay in biz? Nov 1: 60% off
Black Friday: 75% off
Dec 1: 80% off
Dec 24: 90% off
Dec 26: 99% off buy 4 get 4 free

[Christine Conroy @cbeans19]

“The only cat we’re gonna get it a hairless one. It’ll be like ball bag dragging across your hand” -e

[Christine Conroy @cbeans19]

Couples therapist: tell me why you feel divorce is the only option for you

Me: he adds water to the almost empty soap dispenser instead of adding more soap

[Christine Conroy @cbeans19]

“Is today Memorial Day or Columbus Day?” 😑#Overheard

[Christine Conroy @cbeans19]

I always hold the door for others. But how do I politely pass the duty to someone else so that I'm not standing there holding for the next 15 people?

[Christine Conroy @cbeans19]

"Do you think this piece of pizza I left overnight in my car is still good?"
No-
"You never went to college and it shows" @susiieq

[Christine Conroy @cbeans19]

I can't tell if I'm hearing baby grunts and babble coming from Megan's crib or if a neighbor is using a weedwacker

[Christine Conroy @cbeans19]

#OverheardWholeFoods "do you think i should get, like hand soap for her for Mother's Day? She likes hand soap"
Are you ok?? How high are you? @susiieq

[Christine Conroy @cbeans19]

eric: Look at my balayage looking coffee
Me: well that's more of an ombré
eric: same thing
...
*i don't know if we can get married anymore

[Christine Conroy @cbeans19]

Sex is good but have you ever made future plans for a Saturday morning and know you can swing it because you won't be hungover? #DryJanuary

[Christine Conroy @cbeans19]

"I'm on the forefront of things, I know about fashionnova i def know about quip" e. #Christmas

[Christine Conroy @cbeans19]

Things I need in no particular order: shower, face mask, eye patches, scalp detox, hydrating hair mask, coffee, hot lemon water, a full 7 hours of sleep today to be over, finish Xmas shopping, fold laundry, clean the house #sickbeforetheholidays

[Christine Conroy @cbeans19]

:passes pen: "its mimosa! It's like we're at brunch"

[Christine Conroy @cbeans19]

Picture lunch boxes on the ceiling

[Christine Conroy @cbeans19]

When @TBSNetwork plays @FriendsTV out of order...we just went from the one when they go to Vegas to the one after Rachel has Emma🤣

[Christine Conroy @cbeans19]

Changing careers: I would like to work for Kathleen Zellner Esq. this woman knows her shit. #MakingAMurderer2

[Christine Conroy @cbeans19]

"Anytime I see the word nutty I think about the scene in Austin Powers when he drinks fat bastards stool sample. "It's a bit nuttty".."

[Christine Conroy @cbeans19]

Is my throat scratchy and dry from:
Seasonal air changes? Because I spent the day in an Arctic office building w/ recycled air? The tetanus shot I received 6 days ago?

[Christine Conroy @cbeans19]

Why is it when I have pool parties, without fail, someone asks me for toenail clippers?! #why