Chris Carter

Gangster of love. My brother's keeper. Bears fan and a bud man. Former Night's Watch. Similar to Angela from The Office. Possibly the coolest man on earth.

[Chris Carter @ccarter503]

I only have notifications active for Door Dash. That’s a flex.

[Chris Carter @ccarter503]

Having your shit together just means you know where your chapstick is at all times.

[Chris Carter @ccarter503]

Is there a dating app for a 40 year old white dude looking for a black woman who wants to drive around listening to 21 Savage with me ?

[Chris Carter @ccarter503]

@evilhag is everything. Life goals.

[Chris Carter @ccarter503]

Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.

[Chris Carter @ccarter503]

There is no deeper sadness than having 9 shows to watch but you’re rewatching 1 episode you were too drunk to remember the first time. The FOMO is real.

[Chris Carter @ccarter503]

@Apple sends out updates killing older phones. Apologizes and settles class action. iPhone 14 comes out and sends critical update killing older phones prior to launch. I’m the fool.

[Chris Carter @ccarter503]

Tino looks like the dude that talks shit behind your back and then cries and denies it right before a beat down @BacheloretteABC

[Chris Carter @ccarter503]

Made this surf and turf for 2 my bitch.

[Chris Carter @ccarter503]

@VinScullyTrib RIP legend.

[Chris Carter @ccarter503]

Made this chimichuri my little bitch.

[Chris Carter @ccarter503]

Boneless wings are just chicken nuggets on Linkedin.

[Chris Carter @ccarter503]

Made that smoked meatloaf my bitch !

[Chris Carter @ccarter503]

I know I’m fine but the money makes me handsomer.

[Chris Carter @ccarter503]

About to make these big butts my bitch.

[Chris Carter @ccarter503]

Made Halloween my bitch.

[Chris Carter @ccarter503]

Bout to scare the shit out of these little people.

[Chris Carter @ccarter503]

Watching sports during the pandemic is much like dating when I was in high school. It’s more of a factor of who’s not available every night.

[Chris Carter @ccarter503]

I woke Payton up and only spoke Spanish for the first 20 minutes. Pretty much my only goal for today.