caroline

a delivery boy once asked me why i always look like i'm on the edge of catastrophe

[caroline @ccollll]

hayley just told me “if you were a disney princess, you would be jasmine because you’re kind of egyptian deep inside”

[caroline @ccollll]

“i brought someone’s sneakers downstairs, but i left them on the kitchen counter” -katherine, night 1 of maria’s bachelorette

[caroline @ccollll]

just told my boyfriend “i have the wednesday scaries” (about going back to work tomorrow post vacation) and he said “this dog’s name is forest” and turned his phone to show him surfing through petfinder photos

[caroline @ccollll]

“every day is a prerequisite to another day” -my boyfriend, 4:18am, about having to go to bed soon

[caroline @ccollll]

mind if we oscillate, m’lady?

[caroline @ccollll]

told my boyfriend that mrs. butterworth has a first name and he asked if it was michael

[caroline @ccollll]

just said “say it back” to my boyfriend, not regarding “i love you,” but instead little caeser’s “pizza pizza”

[caroline @ccollll]

asked my boyfriend if he’d get me a $500 purse for christmas and he said “i got you a sam’s club pack of cheetos”

[James Line @jameslineky]

if the founding fathers saw the sphere they’d die immediately

[horse dentist @equine__dentist]

need this at mine so fucking bad

[caroline @ccollll]

telling the dunkin drive thru worker “i love you” at the speaker just to feel something

[caroline @ccollll]

“do you guys wanna go to parx casino?” “i want to get injured… with guns”

[caroline @ccollll]

“i’ll be right back. i want to look up more polish insults”

[caroline @ccollll]

i wholeheartedly think about the “describe me in one word or less” segment from andy milonakis no less than 2x per week

[jos @josiahhughes]

pisses me off to see people assume justin timberlake "driving while intoxicated" = "drunk driving." he might have been intoxicated by an aroma, a sound, an idea.

[caroline @ccollll]

no one wants to work at boston market these days

[caroline @ccollll]

“i wish i had more food, but everything in there is going to kill me… time to get another snickers bar”

[caroline @ccollll]

is it true that josh groban is on the $100 bill

[caroline @ccollll]

“feeling hot hot hot, everybody! … you wouldn’t know what it’s like to be me” -my sister, unprompted, eating cake