Duarte

[Duarte @cdclc]

Let's hope God grades on a curve or I'm so screwed. http://t.co/s2W1Dnh3RE

[Duarte @cdclc]

E.T.'s last name was "Cetera" http://t.co/h2AVvHRmSs

[Duarte @cdclc]

I have to take a Viagra when I take an Ambien. It keeps me from rolling off the bed. http://t.co/vtzDIZEAzn

[Duarte @cdclc]

http://t.co/NOB9FSlLsN Auto correct is my worst enema.

[Duarte @cdclc]

No internet access in Cairo- Now the country is just called Gypt. http://t.co/ujNmFGoZ2Z

[Duarte @cdclc]

http://t.co/50e1C9bHCp I just found some of my long lost relatives from Alabama on http://t.co/Sx67fSnamH

[Duarte @cdclc]

The second best "asm" is "sarc." http://t.co/RU6v51s97k

[Duarte @cdclc]

http://t.co/Nqynva2UWF "I liked small butts. I was lying." - Sir Mix-A-Lot's teary deathbed confession

[Duarte @cdclc]

http://t.co/ukt4PPQIWa I'm writing a horror movie about realizing that I left my phone at home.

[Duarte @cdclc]

No matter how many times I call the hospital to complain, they won't recall my baby. http://t.co/NnTLcay0CE

[Duarte @cdclc]

http://t.co/uEynLwQhXM Some people are about as useful as the "r" in February.

[Duarte @cdclc]

http://t.co/5kn8BFylp9 Rubbing my ass on these documents because the boss's email says to "cheek his paperwork".

[Duarte @cdclc]

Dad: i don't know why you wear a bra-you've got nothing to put in it. MUM: you wear pants don't you? http://t.co/heUwx2s0zG

[Duarte @cdclc]

http://t.co/ylwe7ZAplz I'm writing a horror movie about realizing that I left my phone at home.

[Duarte @cdclc]

http://t.co/UB9OTgiPI0 How can we know atheism exists? Where's the evidence?

[Duarte @cdclc]

I'm writing a horror movie about realizing that I left my phone at home. http://t.co/vUpUaVqPDc

[Duarte @cdclc]

I'm going to make a list of my favorite sausages, brat to wurst. http://t.co/QDYBz0T2

[Duarte @cdclc]

http://t.co/276YHi24 Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver. Pee is yellow. Shit is brown. I am drunk. This is a tweet.

[Duarte @cdclc]

http://t.co/8ufuKXTW Being OCD and an optimist, I see the glass half full but I measure to make sure it's EXACTLY half.

[Duarte @cdclc]

It's not generic enough. ~Producers of American sitcoms http://t.co/ntfnIJhK