cerena

[Steve @thahumorguy]

adult life is just thinking “I NEED TO CLEAN” while dealing with the 10 other things that have a hard deadline

[cerena @cerenajjohnson]

this is my hell

[KFC @KFCBarstool]

Proper headline:

Religious zealots take over a frontier airlines flight 30,000 feet in the air, begin torturing passengers https://t.co/nl32ibCZcr

[cerena @cerenajjohnson]

@tayli_lomas if I could send you one by mail, I would 🤍

[baby ganoush @ssactrub]

Having not gotten covid yet feels like I've been hiding in the back of a 2+ year long middle school dodgeball game and the front lines have been THINNED

[Moniza Hossain @moniza_hossain]

I don’t want to be a girl boss, I want to be a girl hobbit and live in a hobbit hole and have two leisurely breakfasts everyday and a garden full of potatoes

[David Hughes @david8hughes]

Surely the best way to sing silent night is by shutting the fuck up.

[cerena @cerenajjohnson]

shockingly enough the barista this morning was not a fan of my morbid jokes

[cerena @cerenajjohnson]

me: *minding my damn business*
customer: “workin’ hard or hardly workin?”
me: *about to do my 1 millionth fake laugh for the day*

[cerena @cerenajjohnson]

Which old ass white male are you?

1. claims they will ONLY buy USA made stuff. (but that’s definitely not true)
or
2. claims they will ONLY buy USA made stuff while simultaneously refusing to pay THAT kind of PRICE for it.

[cerena @cerenajjohnson]

feel like this needs an updated spot on my timeline again.

[cerena @cerenajjohnson]

being pro-life doesn't end with birth. the baby is born, how pro-life are you when it's mom needs assistance feeding and housing it?

[Edgar McGregor @edgarrmcgregor]

I am not putting a cloth on my face, however you must birth a child and then raise it for 18 years. Freedom.

[cerena @cerenajjohnson]

life as a retail worker.

[cerena @cerenajjohnson]

ya’ll remember when you were in kids church and they tried to get YOU a fucking 10 year old to tithe the $1 you had to your name? No just me?
You can’t just sit and act like that’s fucking normal.

[cerena @cerenajjohnson]

it tells you a lot about a person when they consistently use the word “booyah”

[Quick Draw McGraw @dannomals]

It’s keep a bikini or 2, change of clothes, and towels in your truck season now

[cerena @cerenajjohnson]

adulthood is just having the constant fear that you are forgetting something.