certii

[certii @certified_chmp]

Use condoms your girlfriends fvck old man’s

[certii @certified_chmp]

Don’t take love too personal

[Nandi 🤍💜🤍 @pallnandi]

Dating used to be two people building a life together. Now it feels like one person funding a lifestyle while being treated as easily replaceable.

[𝗞𝗵4𝗹𝗶𝗹 🇵🇹 @_khalil01]

i recommend talking to multiple girls.

[SIR TIVA @Sativa255]

Picha hii inastahili REPOST 500 kama salamu kwa mzee wetu TUNDU LISSU kwenye magumu yote anayopitia kuwa tupo nae pamoja.🙏🏾

[certii @certified_chmp]

Now DRAKE can relax for some yrs and let us feast in peace 🥲🧊

[Spotify @Spotify]

ICEMAN.
HABIBTI.
MAID OF HONOUR.

Out now on Spotify.

[certii @certified_chmp]

Drake man 🥲

[sley @sley_Xk]

can we please normalize cheating on girls that love attention from other guys

[certii @certified_chmp]

And if you ever see me loving someone else, just know I asked God thousand times to make it you first.

[certii @certified_chmp]

Being a single man is more peaceful and better than begging a woman to RESPECT, VALUE and APPRECIATE you.

[Kharis @kharis_micheal]

Surviving as a man alone is easy. It becomes way difficult the moment you attach a woman to your life.

[certii @certified_chmp]

enjoying watching bruno 🪄🙌

[certii @certified_chmp]

Jina kubwa likikufumba ushindwe tafakari, utakufa maskini ukizubaa kuzichanga mali.

-DIZASTA VINA

[Mr. Advice @mr_advice2499]

Kwenye maisha yako ukikosa kabisa mtu wa kumwamini mwamini LISSU.

[Machi @machioluoma]

Most Africans won't believe this but these are facts

[Sean 🦩 @iboysean]

PM anasema walipa kodi hawajui pesa ya kununua dhahabu ilitoka wapi!! 😂😂😂

[Arsenal @Arsenal]

Goal for Manchester United - scored by Cunha.

🔴 2-3 ⚪️ (87)

[Anna Tibaijuka @AnnaTibaijuka]

Tujitafakari kwa msaada wa SOCRATES wa Tanzania kwa kumsoma na kumsikiliza.
ANAANDIKA ASKOFU BAGONZA

NADHANI TUNAJICHANGANYA?! Au ni Mimi Najichanganya?!

1. SAFARI YA VATICAN

Tungepatana nyumbani kwanza na wawakilishi wa Papa kabla ya kwenda kwa Papa. Tumempiga Padre wake; Tumetengeneza Wakatoliki Vijora; Tunamdhalilisha Kitima, halafu tunaenda kwa Papa. Hatari ipo ya kuambiwa, “Kama hamkumsikiliza Musa na Manabii, hamtaweza kushawishika hata mtu akifufuka”(Luka 16:31). Patana na mshtaki wako kabla ya kwenda kwa Kadhi.

2. MABEBERU:

Tumezoea kuzizodoa nchi za Ulaya kuwa ni mabeberu. Vatican iko Ulaya. Je, Hata Papa ni Beberu? Naye anataka kuchimba Uranium yetu?

3. AMANI YA NCHI

Wizara ya Mambo ya Nje inamuomba Papa aiombee nchi yetu iwe na Amani na Utulivu. Wizara ya Mambo ya Ndani inasema nchi iko salama imetulia. Hawawasiliani? Nani msemaji wa nchi?

4.MARIDHIANO

Wazee wa Chama wanataka Maridhiano. Bunge linasema nchi iko sawa. Tume iko kazini kuchunguza. Nani mkweli? Je kuna ukweli tusioujua hadi tuumulike kwa tochi ya Tume? Je tunataka maridhiano kabla ya ukweli?

5. CHADEMA na CCM

Wapo wanaosema Chadema Imekufa lakini wanaisema kila siku. Huyu ni marehemu mwenye nguvu. Makada wa CCM wanasema CCM tunatamba nayo. Ukiiangalia unaiona ni mfungwa asiye na pingu. Nani zaidi kati ya marehemu anayeishi na aliye hai lakini amekufa?

6. YALIYOTOKEA OKTOBA 29

Siku hii inatusumbua mpaka tunaenda Vatican. Bado kwenda Mecca. Kama waliokufa hawajulikani; waliowaua wanajijua. Dunia inajua makundi yote mawili. Hekima ya WAJALUO inasema, “kuchelewa kwenda kujisaidia, hakuzuii njaa kuuma”. Tukubali: Tuliua, Walikufa; tuombe radhi, tuwajibishane na kusonga mbele.

7. TUNDU LISU

Waliompiga risasi hawajapatikana lakini walioiba michango yake wamekamatwa. Yeye yuko rumande. Mahakama imeenda likizo na haki yake iko likizo. Fikiria daktari akienda kupumzika katikati ya operesheni mgonjwa?!

8. WIZARA YA MAMBO YA NJE

Hii Wizara inaonyesha tuko vitani. Kimsingi ina mawaziri 4: Kombo, Kabudi, Nyalandu na JK. Msiniulize JK ni nani maana mtamuona anatumwa katika masuala magumu nje. Waliobaki 3 na manaibu 2, wanaunda kikosi kazi cha mawaziri wa wizara. Msiniulize nani ni Boss maana Kabudi anaweza kujikuta ni Naibu Waziri. TUNAJIKANYAGA MNO.

9. Taifa likiwa katika mtifuano kama tulio nao, linakuwa kama mgonjwa. Hawezi kwenda kwa daktari akagoma kuvua nguo. Tuvue zote na madaktari watuingizie vidole kila mahali ili kubaini ugonjwa ulipo ndipo tutibiwe.

Wajaluo wakibanwa TEZI DUME husingizia wanaumwa kichwa.
Sasa Wajaluo wa TEZI JIKE hao usiseme!

[Kwizera @faithkwizera4]

When people say “stop being political,” they usually mean:
“Things are fine for me, and I don’t like being reminded that others are suffering because of this system.”