Christian Escoto

Comedian

[Christian Escoto @cgescoto]

I bought a motor and pestle to make guacamole. That’s a weird way to spend $60 on something that happens only once.

[Christian Escoto @cgescoto]

Trying to get Harry Styles tickets is like the Hunger Games for the unemployed.

[Christian Escoto @cgescoto]

Who still goes on Twitter?

[Christian Escoto @cgescoto]

Do you think there are critical race theory drivers?

[Christian Escoto @cgescoto]

It’s been 9 months and my computer still has a virus. I don’t think the chemo is working.

[Christian Escoto @cgescoto]

Does anyone go to the bank anymore? You can do it all virtually. So now when I rob a bank, I do it on Zoom.

[Christian Escoto @cgescoto]

Everyone’s bracket is going to be ruined because of Clemson lol

[Christian Escoto @cgescoto]

So who won the World Cup?

[Christian Escoto @cgescoto]

I used to think love was just a 4 letter word. Then I lost my ability to spell

[Christian Escoto @cgescoto]

Superman still hasn’t gotten lasik eye surgery

[Christian Escoto @cgescoto]

Trump’s gonna pardon my Dad!

[Christian Escoto @cgescoto]

You rule!

[Mike Beauvais @MikeBeauvais]

Luigi Mangione shouldn’t have gone to McDonald’s.

[Christian Escoto @cgescoto]

My dyslexic brain:

Oh Magione is trending!

[Christian Escoto @cgescoto]

How does Spider-Man not have cancer yet by being bit by a radioactive spider?

[Christian Escoto @cgescoto]

Continental breakfast should be from 5am to 10:30am. Mcdonalds rules.

[Christian Escoto @cgescoto]

There are no yelp reviews for suicide

[Christian Escoto @cgescoto]

Waits 2 presidential terms to do this

[Christian Escoto @cgescoto]

My cat has 9 lives because he steals people’s identity

[Christian Escoto @cgescoto]

i’m going to open a weed dispensary for parents going through divorce. it’s called joint custody

[Christian Escoto @cgescoto]

do you jangle keys at babies because they secretly want to be locksmiths?