care johnson

surrealist humor since 2004 | i think i may be being haunted | she/her | blm

[care johnson @chairjohnson]

always very sad ghosts aren't real :(

[care johnson @chairjohnson]

do i keep my twitter notifs on to see bizarre tweets that twitter thinks i want for some reason even though i haven't used it in months? maybe..

[care johnson @chairjohnson]

ok so i open twitter for the first time in like a year and THIS IS WHAT I FIND???? CORPORATE FURRIES???

[care johnson @chairjohnson]

@AllyHarbourt why is your handwriting the same as when you were in third grade,,,

[care johnson @chairjohnson]

my dreams are either edritch horror or they take place in a grocery store

[care johnson @chairjohnson]

toph having a foot fetish would be like someone having an eye fetish send tweet

[care johnson @chairjohnson]

y'all are all commies aren't you 😍😍😍

[care johnson @chairjohnson]

@killjoycommie she turned into a pig like it was a fairytale it was really magical 🤩✨

[care johnson @chairjohnson]

just ate a cookie with cereal milk and honestly? best thing about 2020 thus far

[care johnson @chairjohnson]

@kristianna_oh my apology vid is coming out on friday 😔

[care johnson @chairjohnson]

why are all ig meme accounts like
picture: ☺️
comment: 😰

[care johnson @chairjohnson]

i feel like someone got a genie and wished for a good 2020 and the genie was like "YOU get a good 2020 but everyone else's is so shit you can't enjoy it" and now this is where we're at

[care johnson @chairjohnson]

ya know i'd be fine with police if they

1. didn't kill people

and

2. all spoke in old english

but they can't do either so fuck cops i guess :/

[care johnson @chairjohnson]

@kristianna_oh mate i feel you my wisdom teeth started coming in. why is one of the main things i miss during quarantine the dentist lmao 💀💀

[care johnson @chairjohnson]

i haven't tweeted anything cause idrk what to tweet but um.... acab https://t.co/hOyf80lFle

[care johnson @chairjohnson]

i was really on some other shit in 2018...... this was in a sketchbook near to the word heLEGcopter

[care johnson @chairjohnson]

all day i live dehydrated and fine then it reaches like 10 pm and i get The Thirst and drink like nine cups of water then shit myself

[care johnson @chairjohnson]

@allisonnwrd i only eat salt and it helps me ascend, it's a shame abt your quesadilla tho

[care johnson @chairjohnson]

if you don't salt your toast you haven't broken the simulation and youre missing out

[care johnson @chairjohnson]

quarantine is wild cause like one of my wisdom teeth is Here, like i can feel it when i reach in my mouth. but there's nothing i can do abt it