Charlotte Parker

Comedian/Writer/Singer/Teacher/Evil ginger looking for a soul to steal

#BlackLivesMatter

[Charlotte Parker @CharCharParPar]

As in preventing it, or...?
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#jobhunting #jobsearch https://t.co/TCqTqWj9DX

[Charlotte Parker @CharCharParPar]

Did the final bathroom check at work and discovered that someone in the women's room- right before we closed- had clogged the toilet, pooped some more on the seat, and then let that last turd drop onto the floor. 💩���

Retail work is so fun.

[Charlotte Parker @CharCharParPar]

My phone just autocorrected my calendar reminder, so...can't wait to see Piss in Boots tomorrow.
#autocorrect #typo #pussinboots #autocorrectfail #whoops

[Charlotte Parker @CharCharParPar]

Just posted a photo https://t.co/kd7QPmpi4g

[Charlotte Parker @CharCharParPar]

Did she...give birth to a dog?
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#hinge #hingenightmares #dating #datingapp #datingapps #dog #dogs #dogsofinstagram #puppy #mom #momlife #momsofinstagram https://t.co/E22KcI093c

[Charlotte Parker @CharCharParPar]

This year, I decided to resurrect a costume from 14 Halloweens ago. 🕷️ 🐖 #somepig #terrific #radiant #humble https://t.co/74pmRigBLq

[Charlotte Parker @CharCharParPar]

Bro 😂

[Charlotte Parker @CharCharParPar]

@emdashklatt I was tutoring 8th grade English, and one of the stories we read out loud together, from their state-approved textbook, was "The Tell-Tale Heart". ��

[Charlotte Parker @CharCharParPar]

@dparsonscomedy With Boris playing Bond 😬

[Charlotte Parker @CharCharParPar]

This is what the Man in the Yellow Hat would wear in Bi-curious George . . . . . #thriftstorefinds #thrift #thrifting #thriftfinds #thriftedfashion #curiousgeorge #bicurious #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtq🌈 #lgbtqia @ Curiosities https://t.co/w5LXwfVlso

[Charlotte Parker @CharCharParPar]

Just took an at-home covid test and kept having to sneeze while the Q-tip was in...nothing like the fear of self-lobotomization to make you feel alive. #athomerealness #terrifying #COVID #COVID19 #Covid_19 #coronavirus #covidtest

[Charlotte Parker @CharCharParPar]

Can't wait to be in this fantastic lineup tonight! Text [phone] for your free tickets!!

[Charlotte Parker @CharCharParPar]

I made it to the semifinals!!! 😁 My next round is tomorrow at 7:30pm PST/7:30pm MST/9:30pm CST/10:30pm EST. Here's the link for tickets: https://t.co/0BjdJaOTK1

Congrats to my hilarious friends @dparsonscomedy and @MagenKingcomedy, who are also repping DFW in the semifinals!!

[Charlotte Parker @CharCharParPar]

Credit to @DanaWhissen for this portrait and @dparsonscomedy for adding it to the festival poster! 😊

[Charlotte Parker @CharCharParPar]

Doing a competition with the Burbank Comedy Festival tonight online. My round is at 11pm CST. If you'll still be awake then, here's a link for discounted tickets! https://t.co/tYGPPPBK5F I need as many votes (assuming you enjoy my set) as possible!

[Charlotte Parker @CharCharParPar]

Doing a competition with the Burbank Comedy Festival tonight online. My round is at 11pm CST. If you'll still be awake then, here's a link for discounted tickets! https://t.co/tYGPPPBK5F I need as many votes (assuming you enjoy my set) as possible!

[Charlotte Parker @CharCharParPar]

@thetzechun I'm a stand-up comedian based in Dallas, TX! https://t.co/k8qtqQ2OlD

[Charlotte Parker @CharCharParPar]

One of my Harry Potter campers made "basilisk fangs" for the Potions class scene...

[Jessica Vosk @JessicaVosk]

“You can lie down for people to walk on you, and they will still complain that you’re not flat enough.”

LIVE YOUR LIFE. 😘

[Charlotte Parker @CharCharParPar]

When you're recording an audition, and your cat tries to check if you're ok...not the best sign about the quality of your singing. 😂 #audition #auditions #auditionvideo #samcooke #cat #CatsOfTwitter #sing #singer #singing #cover

[Charlotte Parker @CharCharParPar]

I could have said "poop" or "farts" or even "Oreos"...but no, "magic" is what popped in my head. 🤦‍♀️

[Charlotte Parker @CharCharParPar]

The phrase "butthole magic" just came up in my summer camp while doing improv. 🤦‍♀️

[Charlotte Parker @CharCharParPar]

Did the improv game One Word Story, where we tell a story one word (per person) at a time.

"One...day...the...pony...went...to...the...doctor...and...had...a...colonoscopy..."
😳
"...where...they...found..."

Me, desperately trying to avoid mention of cancer, "...magic!"