davidparsonscomedy

Dallas based, British born standup comic. David has appeared all across the metroplex. During the COVID lockdown, David has taken his comedy national via zoom.

[davidparsonscomedy @dparsonscomedy]

Sorry about the typo. I flew 4800 miles and I’m tired and JUST WANT MY BLOODY BAG!

[davidparsonscomedy @dparsonscomedy]

@British_Airways hey BA! Get on the phone to your luggage handlers at LHR and tell them to get off their arses and put our pink bag on the carousel. We’ve got 5 of 6, and thanks to the magic of AirPods, I CAN SEE RIGHT WERE IT IS. Behind the carousel, not moving. For an hour…

[davidparsonscomedy @dparsonscomedy]

I just read an article about Boris Johnson called “Clownfall” and instantly had a horrifying thought: a remake of Skyfall except Javier Bardem and all his minions are clowns.

[davidparsonscomedy @dparsonscomedy]

@AmericanAir Hey folks, what’s up at DFW? Landed an hour ago and luggage is still on the plane because you are “short staffed.” Didn’t you know there were planes arriving?

[davidparsonscomedy @dparsonscomedy]

@JatinChhugani And next to the mic, please welcome the very funny "Eating Chobani!"

[davidparsonscomedy @dparsonscomedy]

In my law office doing my monthly time and a Les Miserables song came on my Spotify. As I heard the line "I know the meaning of those 19 years, a slave of the law" I realized I'd been with my firm one year shy of two decades. What's next? "I Fought The Law (And The Law Won)?"

[davidparsonscomedy @dparsonscomedy]

This just in. Donald Trump proposes abolishing the Electoral College and replacing it with the Electoral Trump University. It's basically the same but he always comes out ahead while everyone else feels shafted.

[davidparsonscomedy @dparsonscomedy]

You can say what you like about Oedipus, but at least he loved his mother.

[davidparsonscomedy @dparsonscomedy]

My parents would be Dr. Disappointed and the Long Dead One.

[Charlotte Parker @CharCharParPar]

If my parents were supervillains, their names would be Professor Buzzkill and The Neverending Storyteller.

[davidparsonscomedy @dparsonscomedy]

PSA - sending unsolicited dick pics is a crime in Texas. So guys, don't do it. My wife found out about the law and told me in advance that she did not consent to me sending her pics of my penis. Apparently, seeing my dick once a month is quite enough for her.

[davidparsonscomedy @dparsonscomedy]

I'm pleased as punch to announce that I'm appearing at my first comedy festival on October 1, 2020. I'm honored to help kick off what will undoubtedly be a fantastic weekend of comedy. Ticket info coming soon.
#planocomedyfest

[davidparsonscomedy @dparsonscomedy]

I'm into sadism, bestiality, and necrophilia. Am I just flogging a dead horse?