Crystal Geyser ASW

[Crystal Geyser ASW @checkoutbrenda]

Today, fewer than 1500 grizzlies remain. Consider helping support Crystal Geyer’s work with American Forests to restore grizzly habitats.

[Crystal Geyser ASW @checkoutbrenda]

Cat food comes in chicken, turkey, and salmon flavors. Why isn’t there mouse flavored cat food?

[Crystal Geyser ASW @checkoutbrenda]

Manatees, or “Sea Cows”, were often mistaken for mermaids by sailors long ago. Someone get those sailors glasses.

[Crystal Geyser ASW @checkoutbrenda]

If flammable means the same as inflammable, why doesn’t credible mean the same as incredible?

[Crystal Geyser ASW @checkoutbrenda]

There are 3 types of weather in Florida. “Hot”, “Really Hot”, and “Let’s sleep inside the refrigerator tonight!”

[Crystal Geyser ASW @checkoutbrenda]

They say that April showers bring May flowers. So what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims?

[Crystal Geyser ASW @checkoutbrenda]

Florida has more golf courses than any other state in the US. Even at the mall, people duck when you yell “fore!”

[Crystal Geyser ASW @checkoutbrenda]

Got a letter from the IRS that I owe back taxes. I've never paid my front taxes so why should I pay my back taxes!?

[Crystal Geyser ASW @checkoutbrenda]

April is Jazz Appreciation month. They say Jazz is the true American art form. I disagree. I think it’s Reality TV

[Crystal Geyser ASW @checkoutbrenda]

April is when Spring really kicks in. Or as I call it, 3 months after I gave up on all of my New Year’s resolutions.

[Crystal Geyser ASW @checkoutbrenda]

A complex system names hurricanes. Scientists use names of people that were mean to them. Be nice to scientists.

[Crystal Geyser ASW @checkoutbrenda]

Florida has 663 miles of beaches. Metal “detectorists” rejoice!

[Crystal Geyser ASW @checkoutbrenda]

April 7th is Caramel Popcorn Day, National Beer Day, No Housework Day, and World Health Day. One of these things is not like the others.

[Crystal Geyser ASW @checkoutbrenda]

I’m going where it’s illegal for an unmarried woman to go parachuting on Sundays. The Sunshine State, Florida.

[Crystal Geyser ASW @checkoutbrenda]

April 4th is “Tell A Lie Day”. How is that different from April 1st? And what is wrong with April?

[Crystal Geyser ASW @checkoutbrenda]

Guess what some people celebrate in early April? Hint: “4 Across – Game played with pencil and cup of coffee.”

[Crystal Geyser ASW @checkoutbrenda]

I have decided to not drink water ever again. Never. I’m tired of water. Gotcha! April Fool’s Day!

[Crystal Geyser ASW @checkoutbrenda]

El Niño has brought terrible weather across the country. El Niño means “little boy”. That is one angry little boy.

[Crystal Geyser ASW @checkoutbrenda]

Texas 7th graders study their state's history. I guess “Remember the Alamo!” is what they say when staring at a test

[Crystal Geyser ASW @checkoutbrenda]

Passover is where Jews celebrate freedom from Egypt by eating bitter herbs and drinking wine. I like the wine part.