Matthew

Yes, I have a beard. No, it’s not for sale.

[Matthew @CheckOutThisHat]

We say “dotting the Is and crossing the Ts”.

I’m promoting “kickstanding the Qs”

[Matthew @CheckOutThisHat]

@StephenAtHome I think the time is right to bring back the @mountain_goats !!!

[Matthew @CheckOutThisHat]

@ratt4reddog Industrial War Complex

[Matthew @CheckOutThisHat]

X is universally pretty fucking stupid

[Matthew @CheckOutThisHat]

@elonmusk Xx_not_a_phase_xX

[Matthew @CheckOutThisHat]

@JDVance1 Why not?

[Matthew @CheckOutThisHat]

@whitesox @MLB @ESPYS My mom passed away today due to cancer. It’s awful. Fuck cancer. ❤️

[Matthew @CheckOutThisHat]

The Pentagon - named after appearance.

The White House - named after appearance.

Man we gotta be more creative.

[𝓕𝓲𝓮𝓵𝓭𝓼. @GlowingEyesRep]

This is probably the best Grimace Shake tiktok

[Matthew @CheckOutThisHat]

I’ve been alive as long as I can remember

[Matthew @CheckOutThisHat]

@CleGuardians Awesome walk off! Had it not been, that was easily a double.

[Matthew @CheckOutThisHat]

I ain’t saying “grandmother”

The best I can do is “grandma”

[Matthew @CheckOutThisHat]

@RepMTG If there is any real evidence about Biden taking a bribe - bring it to the public/authorities and l let’s prosecute him to the full extent of the law.

If not, shut the fuck up.

[Matthew @CheckOutThisHat]

Trump brought the indictment average per president from 0.00 to 1.54

That’s incredible.

[Matthew @CheckOutThisHat]

I watched two new episodes of Always Sunny, @MrLapara hits three home runs, @CleGuardians win by seven, and Trump is indicted with seven federal charges.

Today was a good day.

[Matthew @CheckOutThisHat]

Someone saw a UFO and said they didn’t know what it was

I told them it was an unidentified flying object.

[Matthew @CheckOutThisHat]

@atrupar @SnapStream this is one dumb fucking idiot

[Matthew @CheckOutThisHat]

Hey Siri how do I clean X?

Just use some fucking soap my dude.

[Matthew @CheckOutThisHat]

What the fuck’s a Sloopy and why are we encouraging him to hang on? 👀

[Matthew @CheckOutThisHat]

Everyone’s talking about Big Ben, but always forget about Regular Sized Ben.

[Matthew @CheckOutThisHat]

I’d like to be part of the treasury department before the dungeon falls to ruins.

Hmm, let’s place another chest here, fill it with some gold coins, a magical sword, and some regular boots.

This one? Just a potion.

See that hollowed out stump over there? Coins AND a potion

[Matthew @CheckOutThisHat]

I’ve started playing Diablo IV, and I have a few notes .

Everyone is freaked out about the unnatural demonic magic the bad guys have. But noone bats an eye as I, a necromancer, run around with a small army of raised dead skeletons.

[Matthew @CheckOutThisHat]

Who is hiding so many healing potions under lose rocks? This world is lousy with hidden healing potions. #DiabloIV