alka.chel.tzer

Life is short - drive fast & leave a sexy corpse. Stanley Hudson

[alka.chel.tzer @chelmac5]

Im spiraling so fucking hard down and no one cares. Least of all me

[KMOV @KMOV]

The Trump administration has ended a policy that limited immigration arrests at locations like schools, hospitals and churches, impacting the work of St. Louis-area churches. https://t.co/cKFXGG9q04

[alka.chel.tzer @chelmac5]

watching the shows you told me to that i never did just to feel close again. it's pathetic. i'm pathetic.

[alka.chel.tzer @chelmac5]

i'm so tired of getting screwed over by people who just never have to acknowledge they treated me like shit. maybe i care too much. im just so tired of shitty people winning in my life. being alone is hard, especially when the person you thought never would....left too.

[alka.chel.tzer @chelmac5]

maybe i'll just turn into the horrible person others tend to think i am.

[alka.chel.tzer @chelmac5]

why is everyone fucking dying

[alka.chel.tzer @chelmac5]

i can't remember a day in the last 4 months that i didn't cry. so excited for therapy. it's gonna be difficult but anything is better than this torture

[alka.chel.tzer @chelmac5]

yep

https://t.co/HpxVEzlq7t

[alka.chel.tzer @chelmac5]

found an old text to myself. think i meant"look at what happened instead of taking blame immediately" i'll blame myself&while i may be an asshole sometimes....it doesnt excuse the way people treat me. just bc im louder & more emotional doesn't excuse when i've been mistreated.

[alka.chel.tzer @chelmac5]

STOP INVITING ME TO EDM EVENTS IM PATHETIC AND ITS A TRIGGER AND MAKES ME WANT TO CRY
Ive done all the things i know how to minimize the content in my feeds, but i immersed myself in a life that wasn't mine for a person&now it's over&it's all around me and i just...🫠🙃🫠🙃🫠🙃🫠

[alka.chel.tzer @chelmac5]

logically i know someone's treatment of me doesn't determine my worth. but i can't convince my emotions/nervous system. i'm so tired of the nightmares. i'm so tired of crying. i'm so tired of not being able to reconcile the person i thought i knew with the one who abandoned me

[alka.chel.tzer @chelmac5]

i don't know how to deal with abandonment. i want to die & they just get to create their own narrative and block me out of their life. i've never felt so worthless & none of the therapy language is helping. i've never wish i died more. my mom will take care of my cat.

[alka.chel.tzer @chelmac5]

i hate @realDonaldTrump buut there r some gr8 gifs. maybe i should stop?
yeah. i'll stop.
despite how hilarious and stupid his hands & face are.
it doesn't hit the same now he's gonna be president AGAIN🙄
i wanna ridicule this bigot idiot. not have people think i agree via gif

[alka.chel.tzer @chelmac5]

Omg video everything i do because there's proof i do things or am cute if there isn't VIDEO EVIDENCE ALL OVER THE INTERNET ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[alka.chel.tzer @chelmac5]

Omg im fucking 31 lmao oops

[alka.chel.tzer @chelmac5]

2018 was a fucking shit year but 2024 is right up there with it. im only 30 and ive had 2 of em, the math isn't matching. I don't want to get older.

[alka.chel.tzer @chelmac5]

And for some reason, all I still want is him to acknowledge me & how oir situation didnt have to be this painful, if he just spoke to me. But he doest care, he isnt the one hurting. How pathetic am I.

[alka.chel.tzer @chelmac5]

i flossed just a wee bit too aggressively and my mouth hurts.

positive side note: i'm flossing again which means i'm getting back to MY routine....and the bad ass bitch i was before i allowed some man to fuck it all up

[alka.chel.tzer @chelmac5]

but it's literally the confirmation i needed. my person is in the ground, no matter how much someone else my convince me they're my person.