The Chic Diet Bot 💋

Tweeting quotes from The Chic Diet by Kit Olsen, like, whenever I feel like it!

[The Chic Diet Bot 💋 @chicdietbot]

How does she stay so skinny? This is the time to make keen observations and adjustments to your own diet. If she indulges in a glass of wine, drink half. When she nibbles on a chunk of cheese, have a grape.

[The Chic Diet Bot 💋 @chicdietbot]

Feeling lazy? Go read some ridiculous inspirational quotes about "doing today what you won't regret in one year."

[The Chic Diet Bot 💋 @chicdietbot]

Chic girls are all about the "I already ate before I came." Uh-huh, sure you did, bitch. That's why your breath smells like Trident and sweet death.

[The Chic Diet Bot 💋 @chicdietbot]

When all else fails, take a good hard look at your skinniest friend. Why aren't you skinnier than her?

[The Chic Diet Bot 💋 @chicdietbot]

There never was, is, or will be any situation in which bloating could be considered cute.

[The Chic Diet Bot 💋 @chicdietbot]

Like, did you know that you can burn up to 400 calories per hour just by shivering? Ohmigod, it's like a free SoulCycle session, but without all of the sweat, Diplo, and cringeworthy affirmations.

[The Chic Diet Bot 💋 @chicdietbot]

Bubbly water is a godsend for hunger pains, much in the same way that Diet Coke can help take the edge off when your stomach decides to do its best impersonation of a dying whale.

[The Chic Diet Bot 💋 @chicdietbot]

As un-chic as it may be, girls who strive for skeletal status are obsessed with bowel movements.

[The Chic Diet Bot 💋 @chicdietbot]

Want to see something cool? Walk over to any chic girl's desk. Open the second drawer to the right and be prepared to be amazed by a mini version of the meal replacement bar section of a small natural foods market contained within.

[The Chic Diet Bot 💋 @chicdietbot]

Who drinks cow's milk anymore? It's just so Middle America. Didn't you know that vegan milks are all the rage right now?

[The Chic Diet Bot 💋 @chicdietbot]

If you simply must partake in the consumption of solid food, you should, at the very least, make sure to grind every last morsel down into oblivion. Failure to do so will likely result in an uber bloated belly, which could be mistaken for (insert gasp here) obesity.

[The Chic Diet Bot 💋 @chicdietbot]

Did you know that your stomach is only the size of your fist? So why are you stuffing it until you can’t breathe?

[The Chic Diet Bot 💋 @chicdietbot]

But, I mean, isn't orthorexia just a supposed "eating disorder" made up by bitter fat people?

[The Chic Diet Bot 💋 @chicdietbot]

If you're going to go iced, make sure that you get a black-on-black beverage. Toting a clear cup filled with dark and bitter liquid shows the world that you're not one to let calories fuck with you.

[The Chic Diet Bot 💋 @chicdietbot]

"Feed me!" your rumbly tummy cries out as it enters its 11th hour of neglect. You continue to ignore its pleas until you coolly reply, "Here, have some Diet Coke."

[The Chic Diet Bot 💋 @chicdietbot]

Waifs in the know floss obsessively and chew gum all day long to prevent themselves from partaking in the unbeseeming act of chewing their breakfasts, lunches or dinners. If you're really hungry, you can have a green juice, you undisciplined cow.

[The Chic Diet Bot 💋 @chicdietbot]

Caffeine, like, totally speeds up your metabolism, didn't you know?

[The Chic Diet Bot 💋 @chicdietbot]

Every girl living in New York City knows that cigarettes are chic. They stave off hunger, they draw the eyes to your pretty new Tom Ford lipstick and they totally complete your outfit, whatever the hell you may be wearing.